“Glee” Recap (4.01): Marley & Me

Kate Hudson’s abs ab around NYADA like she’s some kind of beach volleyball player. She gets in Rachel’s face in the way that always launches a crack!ship and goes, “Crushing girls like you is my favorite sport, but only because I have been jaded by the industry and it’s my weird, sick way of trying to protect/motivate you. It’s a teaching technique I learned from every dance movie ever.” And then she smashes Rachel in the face with her dancing stick.

At the airport, Dad of the Century Burt Hummel says goodbye to Kurt. He’s given him some money, an emergency credit card, and enough unconditional love to fill a hundred oceans. Kurt asks his dad the same thing he asked Blaine, about what it means if he fails, about how he’ll cope if he falls. Burt says making it in New York will be a breeze after living through the homophobic hell of small town Ohio all his life. They say they love each other the most and some other stuff, but just typing about it is making me cry like a bleating lamb. Burt says, “You can always come home.” And when Kurt gets out of the car, he says, “But you won’t.” And I just … remember when he used to take away Kurt’s car when Kurt would video himself doing Beyonce choreography? And look at him now. Look at them both. You look, I’ll be over here in the corner sobbing.

At McKinley, Sam has a chat with Marley about how he knows what it’s like to be a Poor. (Yesterday I said I rolled by eyes zero times while watching this episode but that’s because I missed the sign in Marley’s locker that literally says, “I love my mom.”) The whole of New Directions invites Marley to join them for a rolicking good time of singing and dancing and diversity in the choir room, and she says OK, as long as they don’t have to sit with Kitty and the Plastics at lunch again. Which is Kitty’s cue to slushie them, of course. I didn’t hate her until she tried to flip her ponytail like Quinn Fabray when she stormed off and now I hope she gets hit by a bus.

Mr. Schue summons Jake to his office and calls him out as a Puckerman. As in Noah “Puck” Puckerman. Puck never mentioned he had a brother, but only because he didn’t know he had a brother. Mr. Schue is like, “Have you ever seen one of those infographics at the vet’s office about how one un-neutered cat can father 144,000 kittens in its lifetime? That was your brother Puck before he joined glee club. Think about it.” Jake is like, “If I join your stupid thing does that mean I have to stop being a jackass?” Mr. Schue says that is correct, that jackasses are not allowed in glee club, proving again that his memory is worse than Dory from Finding Nemo. Jake says he’d rather be a street urchin than a singing sensation.

The final montage is “Chasing Pavements.” Shue teaches New Directions to dance. Blaine takes Marley’s hands and hugs her into the fold. Jake watches from cheap seats. Rachel calls Kurt to tell him she’s not OK. “I wanted that spin-off with you,” she sobs. “But we’re never going to get it!”

“No?” Kurt says. “Turn around.”

She does. He’s there. And for one glorious hour, this was the show I fell in love with.

Welcome back, Glee.

A huge thank you to my Glee screencapping buddy Lindsey (@scenicpenguin) who stayed up all night stalking capping ten million photos of Marley’s face!

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