Now we’re back in Dr. Carl’s exam room, where both Brittany and Santana are in side-by-side chairs, ready to get gassed together. (So romantic, isn’t it?) Santana’s teeth are perfect, and Dr. Carl says he’s not going to put her out for no reason because "anesthesia is serious."
"Listen," she says impatiently. "My dad’s a doctor. And not a’tooth doctor.’ A real one. He like, went to college or something. Which means I have a killer health care plan that pretty much pays for everything. So get up in my grill, cuz Brits and I want to get our anesthesia on."
Apparently he didn’t really care about the safety issue, just his bill getting paid, because he decides he’ll bleach her teeth and the girls get what they want. (Did anyone doubt it?)
This time their Britney fantasy is to re-enact the video she did with Madonna for "Me Against the Music," with Santana as Madonna and Brittany again as Britney.
I liked this one better because, hello, these two women are, as I may have mentioned, scorchingly hot, but it’s really just as irrelevant to the show, the storyline and even the characterizations as the other dream sequence.
At the end, where in the original video Madonna disappears just as Britney isabout to kiss her, Santana disappears and is replaced by Britney Spears.
"You’re really hot," Brittany tells her.
"You’re really sweet," Britney replies.
"Your breath smells really good."
"So does yours. Do you know why? Because this is a fantasy."
A giggling Brittany wakes up in the dentist’s chair. And then we’re back in the New Directions rehearsal room listening to Mr. Schue go on and on about all of Christopher Cross’ accomplishments, and thank god Brittany raises her hand and stops him.
"I just want to say that from now on I demand to have every solo in Glee Club," she says.
"What?" asks Mr. Schue.
"When I had my teeth cleaned, I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and danced better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman I truly am."
Kurt can’t hold back. "See, Mr. Schue?" he bursts out. "I told you. Britney Spears busted our Brit out of her everyday fragmented haze of confusion and gave her the confidence to step up and perform."
"I’m more talented than all of you," Brittany interjects. "I see that clearly now. It’s Brittany." Pause. "Bitch."
Mr. Schue doesn’t care and still says: No Britney. And Kurt just blows up, reading him for being uptight and telling him to let loose — which earns him a trip to the principal’s office, presumably for excessive truthiness.
His exit, by the way, was flawless.
Now we’ve got Mr. Schue getting his teeth examined by Dr. Carl. I’m seriously getting sick of all these dental visits.
They spar around about Emma for a while, blah blah hetero posturing, and Will agrees to back off. And to stop grinding his teeth. Which, by the way, Carl refers to as Will’s "beautiful little teeth." Creepy.