“Glee” Episode 311 Recap: Rock Salt and Underboobs

In the auditorium at what I guess is some later date, Artie greets Sebastian and the Warblers from the stage. “Nice of you to show.”

Sebastian is as bored and sneering as ever, leading me to wonder why he bothered to come at all. “Is whatever this is going to take long? I can’t stand the stench of public schools.”

Will someone please expel him or put him in jail or just get him off this show? Hateful jerk.

Quinn, my newfound goddess of speaking truth, tells him, “It won’t take long and all you have to do is sit and listen.”

Artie tells them that New Directions is not doing Michael for Regionals after all.

“I didn’t think you’d surrender that easily,” Sebastian says.

Kurt says, “We’re tired of the fighting and the backstabbing. We’re show choirs. We’re supposed to be supportive of each other.”

“This is what we call taking the high road,” Puck tells him. “Which I was shocked to find out has nothing to do with marijuana.”

Artie goes on. “Just because you’re doing Michael doesn’t mean you understand Michael.”

“And you do?” Sebastian taunts him.

“Yes,” Mercedes says decisively. “And we’re about to show you.”

They sing a kick-ass version of “Black and White,” and during one of its more stirring moments, Trent Warbler jumps up and gets on stage, followed by all the Warblers but Sebastian.

When they’re done, Sebastian does a slow, sarcastic solo clap. “Very moving.”

“Come on Sebastian,” says Trent. “Give it up.”

“That is the kind of attitude that lost us Regionals last year,” he says. Oh, go join Vocal Adrenaline, Sebastian. Oh, wait. You’d never get in because you can’t sing.

Santana steps up. “I could call the cops or your headmaster and get you kicked out of school or even arrested for assaulting Blaine with that slushy,” she says.

“All of this would be just awfully terrifying if you had any proof whatsoever,” he tells her with a snotty laugh.

“You mean like you on tape, admitting it?” she says, holding up the tiny tape that was once under her boob.

She hands it to Kurt, who says, “But you know what? It just wouldn’t be as much fun winning Regionals if you weren’t there to suffer through all the agony of defeat.” He tosses it to Sebastian.

“At least now, all your teammates get to know exactly what kind of guy you are,” Santana says.

Artie has the last word. “Now get the hell out of my auditorium. School’s out!”

Okay, I admit, that was pretty satisfying. But he should still be arrested.

The episode ends with a short scene at Kurt’s locker. Rachel’s letter has finally come, and she’s a finalist.

Kurt hugs and congratulates her, then asks, “Have you told Finn yet?”

She looks stricken, and we end with the second Finchel cliffhanger in as many episodes.

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