Anyway, that’s when Becky races over to Artie and asks him out, per Sue’s advice. He’s shocked, and we don’t see how he responds.
No, we see Sam asking Coach Beiste if there’s some sport he can play that will earn him the letterman jacket he’s sure will win Mercedes’ heart.
Turns out there’s just one: synchronized swimming. Such is Sam’s love for Mercedes that he signs up. He has to pick an “aquatic-themed” nickname, so of course, he chooses “Trouty Mouth.”
In a scene where Sam’s physical resemblance to Queer as Folk‘s Justin Taylor becomes even more overwhelming, we meet the swim coach, Coach Roz (NeNe Leakes of Real Housewives of Atlanta).
“Sam Evans, you are one weird looking kid,” she announces. “I have never seen lips like that on a white boy. And one of your nipples is higher than the other. You must have had to overcome a lot with them crooked nipples.”
Sam wraps his arms around his chest, and a thousand AfterElton readers cry out in protest.
Finn, however, is not supportive of Sam’s watery game plan. “Dude,” he tells him in the hallway afterward, “Synchronized swimming and Glee? That must be some kind of weird death wish.”
“Swimming is sexy!” objects Sam.
“Not if it’s synchronized,” Finn tells him. Because Finn is the expert on what makes a guy sexy. I guarantee, if this plan works, it will have very little to do with the letterman jacket and everything to do with how Sam looks in his swim trunks.
Unfortunately, just then Sam gets slushied.
Fortunately, Mercedes is there to wipe it off.
Unfortunately, so is Shane, so she scurries off, leaving Sam still dripping with red glop. We have no idea who Shane is or what their relationship is like, but at that moment, I learned that I hate him.
Now, the next scene is set in the auditorium. It’s the Glee guys pitching a proposal scenario to Will, based on what Artie calls his “rock star hips.” Which means Will dances with the kids, something that always makes me a little squicked. They do a mash-up of Maroon 5′s “Moves Like Jagger” and The Rolling Stones’ “Jumpin’ Jack Flash.”
The long glittery scarves were so distracting I really can’t say how the number was. But I don’t think it was proposal territory, guys. Sorry.\
Becky, however, loved it, and informed Artie they were having dinner at Breadstix. This won’t end well, will it?