Brittany and Santana finally share an on-screen kiss. On the cheek. That is mostly blocked out by the head of another student.
Then Coach Beiste breaks out with “Jolene,” my all-time favorite-ever Dolly Parton song, and I was kind of afraid at first, but it was kind of awesome in the end. I’m just going to concentrate on the part where she looks at Sue in the mirror and sings about her beauty being beyond compare.
Rachel comes out of the ballot box all squirly talking about, “You OK, coach? You good? I’m good. All good. Not up to any of my usual nefarious plotting, I’ll tell you that right now.”
All the dudes at McKinley High are leering at Santana as she walks down the hallway. The pizza guy’s campaign ad ran, I guess, and all of the kids saw it during their lunch period when they went to the library to check out the latest news from their local Congressional election. The way kids do. Some rugby player offers to straighten Santana out with that ol’ “You just need to find the right guy” thing, and KABLAM!: Mercedes and Quinn and Tina and Rachel and Brittany and Sugar Motto apparate onto the scene like an army of Patronuses! (Patroni?) Mercedes tells him to get his busted, creeper ass out of there. Quinn — has she always been that tall?! — goes, “It’s not a choice, you idiot.” And Brittany says, “She is normal.” And it is glorious. GLORIOUS, I tell you. These girls could rule the actual world.
Instead, they start singing Katy Perry.