Segue to additional gross things: Puck, what is on your head? Just when you think this show has exhausted its supply of fresh hell, they make Mark Salling look like … like … this.
Additionally gross is the fact that Idina Menzel still considers Puck a viable romantic partner. Puck has (awesomely) chosen to (awesomely) sing Melissa Etheridge‘s “I’m the Only One.” I realize I should be thankful that he sounds amazing and doesn’t do the thing Finn’s going to do in a few minutes where he, like, sits in Santana’s lap and strokes her face and ruins Cyndi Lauper, but I hate this Shelby/Puck thing. Anyway, he’s just a-wailing about drowning in desire and Idina Menzel is sitting in the back row fanning her vagina with a playbill.
I guess Quinn starts drowning in desire also? Or maybe she’s still sinking in the quicksand of crazy? Or all that talk of lesbian lovin’ really gets her going? Either way, she corners Puck in the hallway and invites him over for some sexy times. He’s like, “Nah, you’re pretty nutso-bananas and you don’t want me anyway. I’ve seen the way you look at Rachel Berry. You should maybe think about checking that, though, before Finn turns his extra-dimensional horribleness onto you.”
Speaking of which:
Finn says he doesn’t want Santana to die of internalised homophobia because of how she swiped his V-card that one time. And then he tag-teams with Artie and gets all up in Santana’s nut singing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.” The only thing that makes it bearable is liquor and the way Santana looks at Brittany when Finn croons “beautiful girl.”
You know who I love? Dot Jones. You know who else I love? Jane Lynch. You know what I’d SUPER love? If Bieste and Sue hooked up. Alas, they’ve decided to fight over Cooter. It’s a delight, it really is. Seeing powerful women wrassle and sabotage each other over a dude just thrills me. Bieste is like, “Cooter, I thought we were together.” And Cooter legitimately goes, “Well, you weren’t fulfilling me — sexually.” And then I typed the word “Cooter” one more time and punched myself in the face. The end.
It’s election time, and hang on to your fedoras: I’m going to stop bitching for a second. This election sequence is Glee doing what Glee does best. It’s absurd and sweet and it tells us things about the characters we actually want to know without kicking us in the head with them. Like how Quinn is pro-girl and Mercedes is pro-sanity and Finn smiles that half-smile in his sleep and Santana loves Brittany so much she checks her ballot with a heart and kisses it before submitting it and Kurt is too noble to cheat after all, even though he’s convinced his entire future is riding on this election.