“Glee” Episode 305 Recap: “Make of Our Hearts, One Heart”


Cut to Coach Beiste who is, inexplicably, welding something.
I sense a metaphor here so enormous I almost cannot grasp it.

Artie comes in, and she pushes back her safety mask.
“Man, I love to weld,” she tells him.

“Clearly,” he says, concern written all over his
face. And indeed, he is concerned: Why did Coach Beiste leave the auditorium
the other day whem we started discussing s-e-x, he asks?

“Artie, this conversation is totally
inappropriate,” she says, putting her mask back down. Coach, it’s Glee. Of course it’s inappropriate.

“Wait,” he says, pushing it back up. “Have
you never…. Why? Just haven’t found the right person?”

“Guy. I like guys. And no, I haven’t found the right

Turns out she’s in love with the recruiter from Ohio State,
Cooter Menkins (Eric Bruskotter). In a flashback we see he has asked her out,
but she clearly doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing. She’s just oblivious.

So, Blaine heads over to Dalton, and we hear some
sort of ominous music as he trips down its majestic stairway. I have to say,
the use of music in this episode – not the songs, but all the music – is
amazing and a lot of fun. I didn’t have time to catch it all, but I’m sure some
helpful fanboy or fangirl will help us out in the comments.

The Warblers are, shockingly, singing and dancing, this time
to Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl.” And to presumably everyone’s
amazement, it turns out there is at least one teacher at Dalton, a tall, sexy, high-heeled young woman
in a red pencil skirt and 4-and-a-half-inch black pumps. To me, it was a
jarring and weird note, although as a child of the 80s of course I recognize it
from the original Joel video with Christie Brinkley.

A strange Warbler — who unless you’ve been underwater for
the last week you know is Sebastian
(Grant Gustin), who joined the cast
to go after sweet virginal Blaine – grabs Blaine’s hand and pulls him into the
group, in slow motion. Because that’s how it is at Dalton. And of course, Blaine immediately knows the choreography.
Because so is that.

I love how happy the Warblers are to see him, and how they
beg him to come back. But he’s standing by his man, and instead invites them to
the opening of West Side Story, which
they all enthusiastically accept.

As the other Warblers go out, Sebastian introduces himself
to Blaine,
whose name he already knows. Blaine
smiles and goes on charming auto-pilot, saying, “Are you a freshman?”

Sebastian gives him a look and says, “Do I look like a freshman?”

Which is apparently the first time Blaine has looked at him, because suddenly he’s all flustered. Now, I know
because I have a Tumblr that
many people of both sexes find this guy attractive. I am not one of them. In
fact, he strikes me as a bit stalkery. I saw in an interview somewhere that
he’s supposed to be a kind of male Santana.
Ummm, no.

Sebastian says he’s been wanting to meet Blaine, who he says
is a legend at Dalton:
“Sex on a stick, and he sings like a dream.”

is flattered and flustered and really very cute here.

Sebastian asks why Blaine why
he left Dalton. “Were you bored with all the preppies,
or did you just break too many hearts to stay?” And just as he finishes
the question, the doom-laden opening notes of “A Boy Like That”
breaks in.

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