“Glee” Episode 304 Recap: “Lord Tubbington Thinks You’re Purrfect, and So Do I.”

She looks at him in angry disbelief. “What did you just call me?”

He knows he’s gone too far, as he frequently does. “Brittany, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah, all the guys in Glee Club call me that, and you’re their leader, so
that makes you worst of all,” she says. “You cannot call your future president
an idiot. It’s mean, it’s bullying, and I won’t accept it.”

And she goes off with Santana to tell Mercedes they’re in.

Burt’s wasted no time invoking his right to equal time on the airwaves, and is
doing his own “Burt’s Corner” on the same newscast Sue is a regular
on.

As she watches, he tells the viewers, “Sue Sylvester
has gotten a lot of mileage coming on this show and scaring you into thinking
that a high school putting on a musical is the reason your neighbor’s house got foreclosed on. What she doesn’t tell you
is that she spends the entire McKinley art department budget on things like leg
warmers for her Cheerios.”

As if Burt smacking down Sue wasn’t enough, we now get to see Santana crush the
egomaniacal Sugar Motta.

When Sugar greets Santana and Brittany as more back-up for
her, she gets the smack down we’ve all been wanting to see since the first time
she opened her mouth.

“Okay, I did not just leave one diva-driven glee club to join another,”
Santana tells her. “So let me write you a reality check, richy bitch. I’ve
seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, and sway, and
sing very, very quietly.”

Sugar clearly had been waiting for an alpha bitch to come
along, because she crumbles instantly. “I just wanted to be on the winning
team for once,” she whimpers.

Mercedes smiles. “So just turn down the ‘tude, and you will be.”

Suddenly Shelby, who has been standing two feet away, gets her sense of hearing
back and starts a discussion about the group’s new name. Hot Bitches, Hot
Messes, and Free Beer don’t make the cut, but The Troubletones does.

Once they have a name, they also have awesome costumes, back-up dancers,
a band, and a well-choreographed rendition of Christina Aguilera’s “Candyman.” It was fantastic. I’m sure it
was, even if I spent the whole thing ogling Santana in her blue Andrews Sisters
suit and not really watching anything else.

Finn and Will are watching in the audience, and when the
girls are done, Finn says, “We’ve got trouble.”

“Big trouble,” Will agrees.

In the hall later, Finn walks up to Mercedes,
Brittany, and Santana and apologizes to Brittany for calling her
an idiot. He wishes them well and says they’re great, and tells them he doesn’t
want to see their friendships end.

Brittany
accepts his apology and they hug, with Rory watching on, beaming. It turns out
he thinks this means Brittany’s
last wish has come true; it was apparently that no one would be hurt by her
leaving New Directions.

But Brittany
has gotten wise. She tells him Finn’s not happy, he’s heartbroken. And that
there’s no such thing as leprechauns, although it would be a good thing if
there were. She walks off, leaving a stricken Rory behind.

Santana delivers the final blow, telling him her one last
wish is for him to disappear.

Back at the only restaurant in Lima, the Hudson-Hummels are strategizing
Burt’s congressional run. Kurt’s worried about the effect it will have on his
health, but Burt says that it took almost dying to get him to see what was
really important.

Kurt was also worried about the effect of having a gay son
on Burt’s campaign, but Burt said he was proud of Kurt and it wasn’t going to
matter.

Sue shows up with a quintuple-decker bacon cheeseburger in
hand, and encourages Burt to eat it up. She
thanks him for helping her get her focus back. She says she’s going to
start talking about a truly important issue, the need for special education in
the schools, in honor of her late sister.

Kurt asks if that means she’s going to stop trying to shut
down the arts programs, and she snorts. “Sweet Porcelain, so naïve,”
she says. No, she’s still going after the arts, because at McKinley they have
no special ed teachers or classes, and she thinks those would be “a better
use of school funds than flying the Glee Club to New York without a set list only to lose at
Nationals with a song they made up the night before.”

Sue is obviously on Tumblr.

Back at school the next day, Finn sees Rory getting bullied
by mullet boy and his friends, and tells them to leave him alone. They’re not
deterred, laughing about him running off to tell Mr. Schuester.

Not Mr. Schu,” Finn says. “Coach Bieste.”

They’re outta there.

Then Finn brings Rory to audition for New Directions. He
sings Teddy Thompson‘s “Take Care
of Yourself,” a song I don’t like. And even if I did, what a waste to give two
solos to a character we don’t even know. Could we not have heard from Tina, for
instance? No, because I guess it’s enough that while he’s singing we see her,
along with Artie and Kurt, try to be friendly with Mercedes, only to have
Santana pull her away.

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