“Glee” Episode 304 Recap: “Lord Tubbington Thinks You’re Purrfect, and So Do I.”


Kurt goes to his
dad to ask him to buy an ad in the program to help save West Side Story, and Burt blows up. He ends up in Figgins
office with three strangers, and tells the principal, “Allow me to
introduce you to some friends of mine from down at the Rotary Club. These are
the directors of Lima’s
three funeral parlors.”

“Strictly speaking, mine is a pet funeral parlor,” interrupts one.

“And mine is a crematorium, so we also bake and deliver delicious brick
oven pizza,” says another.

Burt goes on, “These three businessmen wrote a check today to fund West Side Story
in completion.” He hands Figgins said check.

And the last mortician weighs in: “I’m a big fan of the show just because
there are so many deaths in it.”

On the way out, Burt and Will run into Sue, who says, “Why,
if it isn’t Porcelain’s dad, who may or may not have a baboon heart.”

Burt says he’s going to raise money to keep her from being elected, at which
she threatens to rip his heart out.

Burt just smiles. “Bullies don’t have a very good track
record of messing with the Hummels.”

“I heard,” Sue says, “and I am literally horny with fear.”
She goes on to insult his lack of hair.

On the way out, Burt tells Will, “I would just like to see that woman
lose, just once.” Ah, more foreshadowing.

Rory is getting bullied a lot in this episode, but after a couple of ugly
incidents, he sees Brittany
and cheers right up. He gives her the box of all-marshmallow Lucky Charms, and
finds out her next wish: That Lord Tubbington would poop candy bars.

He invites her to dinner, but she says she already has

Then he sings Kermit the Frog’s “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”
I didn’t like anyone on The Glee Project,
including this guy. I don’t like his voice, I don’t like this character, and I
don’t like that we’re getting dragged away from our core storylines with a solo
that does zip to advance the story or even Rory’s character and chews up time
that could have been spent on, say, Brittany and Santana making out.

Who are in the very next scene sitting at a table at

Santana looks a bit uneasy, and says, “Brit, I want to
talk about, you know, that thing that we never talk about?”

“What,” says Brittany,
“that Sour Patch Kids are just Gummy Bears that turned to drugs?”

“Are we dating, or what?”

looks confused. “Wait, isn’t this a date? Aren’t you paying?” She
looks down at her plate. “Because I ordered shrimp. Wasn’t last week when
we were taking a bath together, wasn’t that a date?” She frowns. “Are
you crying?”

Santana sweeps her lashes down, then up. “It’s just that I’m really
happy.” You and every lesbian in teevee land, Santana.

Brittany looks
at her fondly. “Well, I told you last year that if I’m single and you’re
single, that we’d mingle.” Then she says that if that brings down her campaign
for the presidency, she’ll just use her remaining leprechaun wish to win.

Which is when Santana learns that Brittany
thinks Rory is a leprechaun and can grant wishes.

Then Brittany
asks if Santana has any wishes, and she says she does. She wants to join the
new glee club, because she’s sick of always being back-up for Rachel; she wants
to shine on her own. “But I won’t join without you,” she tells her.

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