“Glee” Episode 304 Recap: “Lord Tubbington Thinks You’re Purrfect, and So Do I.”

 
 

Mercedes strolls
up to Santana, and says, “Hi, Santana How many solos did you get in Glee
Club last year?”

The world’s hottest Cheerio shrugs. “A few.”

“One,” Mercedes corrects her. “‘Valerie.’ I loved it.”

Santana drops her eyes, then points out, “I was also the lips in Rocky Horror.”

Mercedes ignores that, as she should, and tells Santana that if she leaves New
Directions and joins Miss Cochran’s rival club, she and Mercedes will get all
the solos and all the duets. “Plus,” she adds, “It’s an
all-girls group.”

“Why would I care about all-girl?” Santana asks,
deep in denial.

Mercedes ignores that, too, and tells her that it’s
“all lady power, all the time,” and that Shelby is a great teacher. All the while, we
realize, Finn is stalking them down
the hall, eavesdropping.

Santana comes clean. “You know, honestly I wish I
could. But somebody’s got to look after Brittany.
That special place where she lives, yeah, it’s beautiful, but somebody’s got to
help her cross the street. I could never just leave her.”

At that point, Twitter and Tumblr both had to add extra
servers to carry the load created by a
nation of lesbians squeeing.

But to Mercedes, the solution is obvious: “Get her to come with you.”

Finn does not like this.

Later in the choir room, Tina is
crying because Mercedes left New Directions. Blaine tries to rally the troops, saying no
one is irreplaceable.

Finn points out that’s easy to say “when your waiting
list has a waiting list,” but things are different at McKinley. “Dude,
I know you’re a big deal at Dalton
or whatever, but we don’t wear blazers here. Have a seat. I’m giving a pep
talk.”

But Blaine just
gives him a cool look and says, “Didn’t you just say something about us
not turning on each other?”

Yes, Finn. Didn’t you? Besides, dude: This is your brother’s
boyfriend. Can you sheathe the claws?

They all decide they’re going to sell ads in the musical program to pay for the
production so yay, West Side Story
will be saved.

Now, much as it pains me to say this, while I thought Blaine handled this quite
well, he really looked terrible in this scene. Who is dressing this boy? Fire
him.

Finn walks into a room where Rory is sorting Lucky Charms,
putting just the marshmallows back into the box.

Rory looks up, delighted, and leaps to his feet. “Finn Hudson.”

Finn frowns. “You know who I am?”

Rory nods. “I’ve seen you on YouTube losing Nationals after tongue-kissing
your girlfriend for ten minutes. I’m a big, big fan.”

Finn looks, as he so often does, bewildered, but just says, “Thanks.”
And since Rory is still standing, he adds, “At ease.”

Rory sits, and a second later, Finn does, too.

“So, who are you?”

Rory says he’s an Irish exchange student who “loves America, especially NASCAR, your half-black
president, and the Victoria’s
Secret catalog.”

He adds that he’s “staying at the home of Brittany S Pierce, and she
thinks I’m a leprechaun.”

“Yeah, she’s kind of like Rain Man with boobs,” Finn says.

That doesn’t stop Rory from wanting to “snog” her. Dream on, little
green man.

Rory tells Finn that America
hasn’t quite lived up to its hype. He hasn’t made any friends, and he thought America was all
about diverse people coming together as one.

“That’s a really old brochure, dude,” Finn tells
him.

Rory asks Finn if he wants to be friends, and Finn looks
alarmed. “Whoa, in America,
dudes don’t ask dudes to be friends. Except on Facebook. And even then it can
take
years.”

But Finn does offer to be Rory’s friend if Rory will be his spy in Brittany’s house and let
him know if she plans on leaving New Directions. Rory agrees.

As if asking a lonely boy to spy on his host isn’t bad
enough, now Quinn is planting books on baby massacres and “baby
botulism” in Shelby’s
apartment, so she can call Child Protective Services on her and get her baby
back. Puck is pretty sure this is a bad idea, but he goes along with it for the
moment. Moving on.

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