“Glee” Episode 217 Recap: Vicious, Vicious Words

Will goes into the teacher’s lounge, where he finds Emma
using an electric toothbrush to clean a counter.

He gently mentions to her that he’s heard OCD symptoms are
worse when someone’s under great stress. She tells him Carl left her and is
asking for an annulment because they never consummated their marriage.

Er, is it just me or did that whole relationship wrap up a
bit abruptly?

Anyway, Emma said she thought she’d have her OCD under
control by now. She’s crying, sad, and tired.

Will snaps on the gloves, and says he’s there for her – no
judgment, just a friend she can count on. “Cheers.” And they clink
grapes… while Holly looks in the window and sees them.

Under Lauren’s guidance, Mercedes goes full-diva and demands
all kinds of backstage perks, including a bank of humidifiers and fluffy
puppies to dry her hands after she washes them. Her demands escalate to the
point that Finn and Quinn turn to Rachel for advice – presumably because she’ll
understand irrational diva-ness better than they can. Really, I have no idea.

I also have no idea why Holly is doing a Wallis Simpson
impersonation in history class. I didn’t learn about Mrs. Simpson in high
school; I had to learn about that from PBS. Something about Nazi-sympathizers
and how people thought Wallis was a hermaphrodite.

“Tomorrow we do Catherine the Great and her pet
stallion, Fred,” Holly says as the bell rings. “So come early.”

Dustin slinks in her classroom and introduces himself to
Holly. “Let me cut to the sexy chase…. Those aren’t eggs in your Fallopian
tubes; they’re rare exotic pearls.” Good thing this is high snark, as I
tremble to think someone believes that might be the kind of thing a woman wants
to hear as a pick-up line. “Your reproductive prowess is legendary. I have
my own hair and a high sperm count. Let’s mate.” Ummmm, no.

Will shows up, threatens to knock out Dustin’s teeth, and
asks why Holly didn’t turn up for lunch as they’d planned. She says she did
turn up, but didn’t feel she was welcome. Now she has to clear her head, she
says, instead of singing a duet with Will for the benefit. (I hoped this meant
we’d be spared her singing in this episode, but alas.)

Meanwhile backstage, Rachel gets Mercedes her humidifiers,
while Puck is out scouring the shelters for a “perfect Pomeranian.” And
Sunshine is going to close out the benefit, not Mercedes and not Rachel.

Next we get the one scene I couldn’t have lived without.

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