They embrace – it was more than a hug, less than a kiss –
and stand there in front of the Glee Club holding each other. Sam leans over to Artie and says he’s
glad their girlfriends are such good friends, and he wishes he and Artie could
be close like that.
Sam’s clearly oblivious, but Artie equally clearly knows about Brittany and
Santana, at least about their past, because he rolls his eyes.
Rachel knows what she saw, however, and applauds them for singing a song about “Sapphic
Santana snaps at her, “Listen, just because I sang a
song with Brittany
doesn’t mean you can put a label on me.” And she walks away from Brittany,
who looks after her, so very, very sad.
Emma gavels a meeting of the celibacy club to order;
apparently Rachel and Quinn were the only members, although they’re being
joined by Puck, who says that he was “scared straight” by his brush
with child pornography. And just in time to perform with them in their
pro-abstinence song for the Glee Club.
And then there’s this totally amazing and surreal
performance of one of the worst songs in musical history, “Afternoon
Delight.” The costumes. The arrangement. The slides of various kinds of
food being projected on the back wall. The way Holly gets up at the end and
breaks it to them that the song is about sex, not food. Classic.
Carl, who has
joined them to sing backup, asks Holly if she can counsel him and Emma, and
Holly agrees. But before we get that, we get Burt and Kurt, talking about sex.
Burt gives Kurt some pamphlets and says he picked them up at
the free clinic, because “it’s time you and I had ‘the talk.’”
“No, it’s not,” Kurt says. Then he sticks his
fingers in his ears and starts singing.
Burt forces him to listen. “I wanna do this even less
than you do. This is gonna suck for both of us. But we’ll get through it
together, and we both will be better men because of it.”
They sit at the kitchen table, and Burt tells him to read
the pamphlets, which cover the mechanics, and then come talk to him about it.
Kurt agrees, then tries to leave.
And then I get my second big surprise of this very surprising
episode. Burt goes into a long, passionate discussion about what sex means, and
how it makes you feel, and what effect it has on how you see yourself. It was
epic. It was so much more than the awkward and funny scene I imagined they were
going to have.
“For most guys, sex is just this thing we wanna do,”
he begins. “You know, it’s fun, it feels great. But we’re not really yhinking
too much about how it makes us feel on the inside or how the other person feels
“Women are different?” Kurt asks.
“Only because they get that it’s about something more
than the physical,” Burt says. “You know, when you’re intimate with
somebody in that way, you’re exposing yourself, you’re definitely going to be
more vulnerable. And that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. I can’t tell
you how many buddies I’ve got who have gotten way too deep with a girl who said
she was cool with just hooking up.”
“But that’s not going to happen to me, Dad.”
“No. It’s going to be worse,” he says. “Okay?
Because it’s two guys. With two guys, you got two people who think that sex is
just sex. It’s going to be easier to come by, and once you start doing this
stuff, you’re not going to want to stop. You just… You’ve got to know that it means
something. It’s doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem.
Even though it feels like you’re just having fun.”
This is the best thing I ever read about sex.
Kurt answers slowly. “So, you’re saying, I shouldn’t
“I think on your thirtieth birthday it’s a great gift to
yourself.” Burt doesn’t quite smile, but it’s clear he’s not serious. Then
suddenly, he is. “Kurt, when you’re ready, I want you to be able to do
everything. But when you’re ready I want you to use it as a way to connect to
another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter. Because you
Kurt is looking at him. “Is that it?”
“That’s it. For now.” He relaxes a little.
“Can I make you some toast?”
“I think I’ll take it up to my room to eat while I read
my new pamphlets,” Kurt says, gathering them up off the table. Then he
gives his father a sweet smile. “Thank you, Dad.”
“You’re welcome,” Burt says.
Burt Hummel: father of the century. Am I right?