“Glee” Episode 215 Recap: “Everybody’s Got a Random!”

Puck and Lauren are critiquing a sex tape in the school
library – not the sexual technique, but the production values. Holly comes up
behind them, and they cheerfully tell her their plan. She congratulates them on
how comfortable they are with their bodies – “Easy to be comfortable when
you look this good, right?” Lauren responds – but also breaks it to them
that any sex tape they made at their ages would result in their arrest for
making and possessing child pornography.

Don’t take it to heart, she tells them; these things never
work out like you think they’re going to. “My sex tape with JD Salinger
was a disaster.”

Holly walks off, only to encounter a very subdued Brittany
and Santana. “Miss Holliday,” Santana says, “We need your

We don’t hear exactly what they tell her next, but we cut to
a scene clearly set very shortly after, with the three of them sitting
cross-legged on mats on the floor. Brittany
asks why they’re sitting on the floor, and Holly tells her it’s because they’re
in Japan.
Then she probably realizes it’s dangerous to say something like that to Brittany, and corrects
herself, saying, “Welcome to my sacred, sexy sharing circle.”

She goes on, “I want to thank you for confiding in me,
because I know this is tough. And I want to ask both of you if either one of
you thinks that you might be a lesbian.”

I’m not sure I get where this question is coming from,
although the first time I heard it my heart stopped and the interruption of
blood to my brain meant that I just accepted it without much thought. But on
re-viewing, I’m kind of thinking, what difference does it make in this context
if they’re lesbians or bisexual women? They’re having a relationship problem,
right? Or maybe it was just Holly’s way of making them feel like whatever they
felt or thought was okay.

“I don’t know,” Brittany answers, and looks at Santana.

“I mean, who knows?” Santana says. “I’m
attracted to girls and I’m attracted to guys. I made out with a mannequin. I
even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just in the shape of a

“Well,” Holly says, “We’ve all been there. I
went to an all-girls college where the only industry in the town was the
manufacture of softball equipment. I still feel a little tingle when I hear Ani DiFranco.” She shivers.
“Anyway, it’s not about who you’re attracted to; ultimately, it’s about
who you fall in love with.”

“Well, I don’t know how I feel,” Brittany says, her voice breaking,
“because Santana refuses to talk about it.”

Holly says she knows talking about feelings can be really
hard, but why don’t they sing about it?

Santana says she could do that, and she has the perfect song
in mind. She asks Holly to help them sing it, and Holly says, “I thought
you’d never ask.”

So, now we have the total luxury of cutting to the show’s
other same-sex couple – I swear, it’s like this was cable! – and see that Blaine is coaching Kurt in
sexy faces in front of Kurt’s bedroom mirror. “So give me ‘sensual.’ But
don’t make fun of it; really try.”

Chris Colfer
should get another Emmy for the hysterical contortions he puts his face through
in this scene. Blaine
just looks like he’s having gas pains. “Okay, now give me ‘sultry.’”
Then he laughs. “Kurt, they’re all looking sort of the same.”

Kurt huffs a big sigh. “That’s because the face I’m actually doing is ‘uncomfortable.’”
He stands up. “This is pointless, Blaine.
I don’t know how to look sexy, because I don’t know the first thing about

“Kurt, you’re blushing,” Blaine says, looking somewhat charmed.

But Kurt’s on an emotional tear. “I’ve tried watching those movies, but I just get horribly
depressed and I think about how they were all kids once, and they all have
mothers, and god, what would their mothers think, and why would you get that
tattoo there?”

“Well, maybe we should have a conversation about
it,” Blaine
offers. “I’ll tell you what I know.”

“I don’t want to know the graphic details,” Kurt
says, panicking a little. “I like romance. That’s why I like Broadway
musicals, because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets.”

tells him he’s going to have to find out about it someday, and Kurt says,
“Not today. I think I’ve heard quite enough for today, thank you. I think
you should leave.”

leaves, somewhat reluctantly. Kurt is clearly about to cry or rend his
garments. Oh, Kurt.

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