“Glee” Episode 215 Recap: “Everybody’s Got a Random!”

 
 

“But what about those of us who choose to remain
celibate?” Rachel says, making
touchy-feely with Quinn, who is sitting next to her and swats her away in
annoyance. I am annoyed that they both look like little old ladies here.
Apparently celibacy erodes one’s fashion sense.

“Although I think you’re naïve and possibly frigid, I
do admire your choice,” Holly tells them, only to be cut off by Will who
suggests it’s time for the song.

Holly agrees, and says that all sexual encounters begin with
a touch. And then she does a leather-clad rendition of Joan Jett‘s “Do You Wanna Touch Me There?” with back-up
dancers/hair-tossers Santana and Brittany.

My review is mixed. Santana and Brittany are unbelievably
hot. If you look under the word “cleavage” in the dictionary, you’ll
find Santana’s picture there, and Brittany,
as usual, dances so well it makes everyone else look awkward and stiff –
especially when she’s crouching like a tiger on top of the piano, swinging her
hair around.

But however much I like the character of Holly Holliday and
however much good she ultimately does everyone in this episode, Paltrow just
doesn’t have the vocal chops to carry off this song – listen to this clip of the original
music video
if you don’t believe me. And Brittany and Santana are pretty
much wasted, because the camera is almost always on Paltrow, who doesn’t really
do anything all that extraordinary, dance-wise, in this scene.

While the whole Glee Club is standing around breathing hard
from all that dancing and cleavage flashing, Holly says, “Remember, whenever
you have sex with someone, you’re having sex with everyone they’ve ever had sex
with. And everybody’s got a random!”

Brittany
looks deeply concerned.

In the next scene, we’re at Blaine and Kurt’s coffeehouse,
which I just notice is called “The Lima Bean.” Did we know that?
Genius, Glee writers. Our boys are
standing in line in their little uniform jackets, colorful scarves tossed
artfully around their necks. /sogay

“Don’t you think it’s time for the Warblers to do a Joan Armatrading medley?” Kurt
asks Blaine.

“I’m not so sure they’ll know who that is,” Blaine says, just as a
voice cuts in from behind them in line.

“Well,” says Sue,
“If it isn’t my sweet, sweet Porcelain.”

“Coach Sylvester,” Kurt says, his voice dripping
with suspicion and absolutely no surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Just pickin’ up some coffee,” she says. “I
like my enemas piping hot.” Then she pulls off her sunglasses. “I
heard this was a Dalton
Academy hangout, and I
come in the spirit of fellowship. As you no doubt have heard, I’ve taken over
for the coach of Aural Intensity.”

“We heard you pushed him down the stairs,” Kurt
says.

“You can’t prove that,” Sue answers.

Kurt turns to Blaine.
“This is just sort of how she talks.”

Sue starts dumping sweetener and flavoring into her coffee,
while Kurt and Blaine watch, an array of horrified expressions chasing across
their faces. Someday I’m going to watch this show with the sound off, just to
get the full impact of all the awesome face acting that goes on.

Her message to the Warblers is that New Directions is sexing
up their act – we see a flashback to a track-suited Sue standing in front of
Will’s white board, the word “Sexy” still written on it – and that
she suspects the judges at Regionals will be giving extra points for sexiness.

Kurt pretty much blows her off, and she tells him he’s
“made a powerful enema.” Blaine,
however, believes her, and says the Warblers will have to hold a meeting and
come up with something “sexified.” The idea seems to delight him,
which is odd given how utterly un-sexy the Warblers, and Blaine, have always
been. (I say that with love.)

Will’s eating lunch with his new BFF, Shannon Bieste, when Emma comes storming in, furious at what she’s
heard about Holly’s routine for the Glee Club. Will offers to let Emma and the
Celibacy Club do their own pro-abstinence number, and she nods in satisfaction.
“I look forward to the opportunity to nail her to the wall.”

Will tries not to laugh. Shannon
doesn’t even try.

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