Next morning, Burt walks into Kurt’s room and discovers Blaine asleep in Kurt’s bed.
“Where am I?” Blaine says, blearily.
“I’m sorry, my bad,” says Burt, clearly dazed.
Back at school on Monday, the whole gang is in dark glasses, nursing major hangovers. “I caught a whiff of hairspray and did a full Linda Blair in the bathroom,” Santana says.
Artie comes to the rescue with a thermos full of bloody Mary, the “hair of the dog.” Then they break into Jamie Foxx/T-Pain’s “Blame It (On the Alcohol),” which they auto-tune even more than the original artists did.
The song starts in the hallways and morphs into the auditorium, where the set is dark and with a nightclub feel – Sam sitting in the revolving red booth is awesome, and I did a really good job of suppressing the nagging question my mind kept trying to ask me, “Where on earth did these kids get the budget for this performance, and when did they make these sets and those costumes?” It’s Glee. That’s all you need to know.
Will applauds the number, and their great “acting” – oh, Will. Do you lack a sense of smell? But he says it’s not really right for the assembly, because it glorifies drinking, and the assembly’s supposed to be about how bad teen drinking is.
“Good luck finding a song about that,” Mercedes says. (Since we’ve already re-visited the 80s once, may I suggest “Alcohol” by The Special AKA?)
Rachel agrees, and – draping herself over Mike Chang – says that maybe the reason there aren’t any songs about the dangers of drinking is because there aren’t any, as long as you have a “proper designated driver.”
Will tries to scare them with alcohol poisoning, Santana starts sobbing while Brittany hugs and consoles her, and Quinn tells Will he’s a hypocrite, because he, like most adults, drinks.
“I may have a beer every now and then, but I don’t get drunk.”
Puck objects that they’re very aware of alcohol. After all, every commercial during NASCAR is for beer.
Will asks them to come the next day ready to brainstorm songs for the assembly. Will confides in Coach Beiste, who now that I’ve fallen in love with, I’m going start calling “Shannon,” that when he was a teenager he used to get so drunk he’d black out, “mostly to cope with Terri.”
She essentially tells him he has no life, and invites him to come with her to her form of stress relief, “Rosalita’s Roadhhouse. “You ain’t lived ’til you’ve seen me in a cowboy hat,” she says.
Meanwhile, Rachel’s listening to Carole King, drinking alone, and drunk-dialing Blaine.
She catches him while he’s at the coffeehouse with Kurt, where they were just talking about her – Kurt had just said that Blaine drunkenly making out with her “is what we call rock bottom.”
Drunk!Rachel asks Blaine on a date, and he agrees to go. Kurt says it’s not fair to lead her on, and he says, “This isn’t leading her on. When we kissed, it felt good.”
“It felt good because you were drunk.”
“What’s the harm in going out on one crummy little date?
“You’re gay, Blaine.”
“I thought I was, but I’ve never even had a boyfriend before. Isn’t this the time you’re supposed to figure stuff out?”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this right now.”
“Maybe I’m bi, I don’t know…”