“Glee” Episode 213 Recap: Oh, Say Can You Bieb?

The other group at Regionals is Aural Intensity. Everyone’s
worried about this because they say they “kicked their ass” at
Regionals the year before – but, umm, no, really not. As I recall, everyone
acknowledged they’d been a lot better than Aural Intensity and that there must
have been something wrong with the voting. Now they’re worried about them?
Hello, continuity checker?

There’s also going to be a theme at the Regionals this year:
Anthem. “Who can tell us what an anthem is?” Will asks.

“It’s the bottom of an ant’s pants,” Brittany says with
confidence.

“So close, so close,” Will says. “But
no.”

He goes on to say it’s a big, big epic song… “filled
with a groundswell of emotion that somehow seems bigger than itself, even bigger
even that the person performing it.”

Which prompts the newly-Bieberized Sam to raise his hand and
jump up.

“Oh, hi, Sam,” Will says. “I didn’t even
notice your new haircut.”

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Sam says he’s been working on a new image to go with his new
haircut, and his new band, The Justin Bieber Experience. (I just like typing
that.)

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” says Quinn.

“Dude,” says a mesmerized Puck, “that haircut
makes your mouth look even bigger.”

Sam wants to sing a song that he thinks is an anthem because
it’s “hugely emotional and sums up our generation.” Then he sings an
extremely vapid song called “Baby” that, if it really did sum up a
generation, would make me kill myself. Fortunately, I’m pretty sure this was a
joke, and if not, don’t tell me, because I’m really happy believing that. Kind
of like Sam and the gumball.

All the girls, including Quinn, go nuts for Biebersam, and I
gotta give Chord Overstreet props for
putting his heart and soul into what I can only assume is a full-throated
homage to Justin Bieber. He’s dancing like a one-man boy band and it could be
embarrassing but instead, it’s just tongue-in-cheek enough to be disarming, and
ends up being pretty cute.

Sue thought so, too. “I’ve gotta get that girl on the
Cheerios,” she says under her breath. Because for sure Jane Lynch knows a
lesbian in a hoody with a Justin Bieber haircut when she sees one.

The guys might not seem smitten exactly, but other than
Finn, who looks disgusted, Puck, Artie, and Mike seem intrigued. We find out
why when they descend on Sam in the boy’s locker room while he’s slicking down
his hair.

“We want in,” says Puck.

“Into what?” asks Sam.

Turns out they want to join The Justin Bieber Experience.

Sam objects that they were totally making fun of him for
singing Bieber, and the guys explain that they now see Bieber as a mini-god (is
Justin Bieber short? This isn’t the only size joke in the episode) and besides,
they need the power of the Biebs to get their girlfriends out of their
post-Valentine’s Day slump, the inevitable crash after the “sugar
high” from the holiday.

Then we see a great flashback of Tina playing Angry Birds on
her smart phone while making out with Mike. Not even a flash of his world-class
abs catches her interest. Poor Mike.

However, hearing that Brittany’s losing interest in Artie pretty
much made my night.

Finn walks in and asks what’s up, and Artie says they’re
trying to get Sam to let them into his band. And if not, they’ll form their
own: Bieber Fever.

“You do realize that Justin Bieber sucks, right?”
Finn says, speaking for the multitudes.

“Quinn was pretty into him when I was singing to
her,” Sam says. Then he tells the guys they’re in, but they need to figure
out something to do with Puckerman’s hair. Ya think?

Cut to Rachel’s locker, where she’s filling out her to-do
list; I’m sure it was full of a lot of funny stuff that people with bigger
television screens than mine can share with us in the comments. It doesn’t hold
her attention, either, because she sees that all the girls in school are
wearing leg warmers on their arms, in imitation of Brittany – a look that was definitely not
part of the deal Rachel paid for. Rachel accosts Brittany, who’s wearing
another hat, this one a floppy-brimmed red garden party hat – again, definitely
not a Rachel look.

Rachel demands her allowance money back, but Brittany can’t return
it. “My uncle lost his job and his goat was going hungry, so I spent it on
food for the goat. Well, actually, the goat just ate the money.” Was that
on the way to Motocross practice, Britt?

Rachel says the only way Brittany can make it up to her is to come to
school dressed exactly like her.

“What is that look called?” Brittany says, looking worriedly at Rachel’s
outfit.

“Sexy schoolgirl librarian chic,” Rachel tells
her.

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