Locker room. Sam,
Finn, and Artie are all working out together. Finn says he doesn’t like
having to worry about his looks, wondering when this sort of thing happened to
guys. Artie blames it on Internet porn, which he claims made it too easy for
girls to access porn and ogle guy’s bodies, thereby addling their brains and
making them think more like men. Uh huh. Because Internet porn had no effect
whatsoever on teenaged boys. And anyway, this whole obsession with male body
image is obviously the fault of the metrosexuals.
Finn bemoans all the work involved in maintaining a six
pack. Sam helpfully says it’s worth it because it’s the price you need to pay
to be popular. Showing up on stage looking like a Pillsbury doughboy is doom.
(I don’t know about that; Pillsbury dough has its fans.)
continues with his brilliant plan to put on an elaborate musical in only a
week for the noble purpose of getting in Emma’s pants. (A bottle of wine and
some flowers might have been easier, just saying.) He asks her to help him out
with costumes, and she says she’d love to.
A knock on the door, and Other Asian Mike comes in to
interrupt them. His parents read the script, and there’s no way they’re going
to allow their son to play “a tranny.” Hey, Other Asian Parents, that’s not
Meanwhile, a scene
with Sue and Becky reveals that Becky shares something important with the
majority of gay men in the world … namely, she’s planning on dressing as Sue
Sylvester for Halloween. Naturally Sue approves.
Will interrupts with the bad news that without a Frank N.
Furter, they need to cancel the show. (This is totally bogus, because he
already pointed out they have to double up on other parts so presumably there
are still plenty of kids who could have done it, but we’ll just all hold our
heads and go “la la la la la” and go along with it. Trust me, it just makes
Later on, Dr. Carl
shows up at school to show Emma the Frank N. Furter costume he’s got picked
out for Halloween. Sue spies this from across the hall and comes running over,
demanding they take their “sick perverted sex games out of the school,” adding
that people who dress like librarians are “all sex addicts.”
Emma makes introductions (“Sue, how do you do?”), and Dr.
Carl explains how he’s a huge Rocky
Horror fan. This gives Sue an idea
how she can save the show and still get the underhanded expose that will win
her an Emmy. She asks Carl to take over the role, explaining how endangered the
arts are at their school; without arts, she says, kids do drugs, and on drugs,
they lose their teeth. In fact, 70% of the teeth in the school are wooden.
Will at least thinks Dr. Carl needs to audition for the
role, which leads to the sight of Dr. Carl thrusting his pelvis in the faces of
a group of teenagers while singing “Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul.”
It’s actually a terrific number. Stamos has a great
voice, and they wisely highlight the show’s two best dancers, Brittany and
Other Asian. By the end of the number, everybody is up and dancing, and this
comes close to how the movie makes me feel, like I just want to be up there
dancing along with everybody else.