Kurt welcomes Sam to the Glee Club, and encourages him to come out as a bottle
"Maybe at your old school you could get away with the whole ‘I just stayed
in the sun all summer’ excuse," he says knowingly. "But I have three
gifts: My voice, my ability to spot trends in men’s fashion, and my ability to
know when it comes from a bottle."
Sam denies it. "I don’t dye my hair, dude."
"Yes, you do," Kurt says, in a remarkably pleasant, bossy tone.
"That’s not natural. (Unlike Kurt’s entirely immobile hair.) But it’s just
Sam’s freaked out, so Kurt changes gears and makes a persuasive pitch that they
should sing a duet together. But here’s the thing: Sam belongs to the NOM
chapter of duet singing, because he thinks duets are for one man and one woman.
And when Kurt throws a little "Singing in the Rain" at him to prove
him wrong, his blank face causes Kurt to say, "Maybe you are straight."
Okay, this is one of those scenes where you’re just sure Ryan Murphy snuck out
late one night and created himself a LiveJournal account and joined all the
Glee communities and started reading Brittana fic, because I could swear I’ve
read this scene before.
Or maybe it just reminds me of my high school years, I don’t know.
Brittany and Santana are tangled up together on the bed, and Santana is kissing
If you didn’t see it and you think I must have gotten that wrong, believe me: I
rewound it seven or eight times. I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.
"Mmmmm," purrs Brittany.
"Sweet lady kisses."
Then Brittany crosses a line. "We should sing a duet together. We should
sing Melissa Etheridge‘s ‘Come to My Window.’"
Santana freaks out, first that there’s so much talking going on when she wants
to get her mack on, and second, and more cuttingly, "I’m not making out
with you because I’m in love with you and want to sing about making lady
babies. I’m only here with you because Puck’s been in the slammer for about 12
hours, and I’m like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me or I can’t
digest my food."
Oh, Santana. You’re freaking hot, girl, but that was just cold.
eyes sweep downward, and she softly asks, "But who are you going to sing a
The answer turns out to be Mercedes. That is, as soon as Santana can convince
"Look, Weezie," she says as they walk down the hall at school,
"I realize I tried to punch you a couple of times, and sometimes when
you’re not looking I put weird things in your food." But, she says, it’s a
new year, and they are the best singers at the school. (Santana, I like you so
much more than, say, Rachel, but really? You’re not in her league. Sorry. And
you’re not in Mercedes’ league, either. And you just squashed Brittany, so in a different way, you’re not
in her league, either.)
When that doesn’t work, Santana tries the food angle. "Have you been to
Breadsticks? They’re legally forbidden to stop bringing you breadsticks. One
time I brought a wheelbarrow, and when the manager tried to stop me from
filling it up, I called the corporate office and got her fired."