Hello lovely ladies! I’m Meg Streit, the new gay marriage and lesbian wedding columnist for AfterEllen.com. I am a full-time freelance journalist, and I write about all kinds of topics — from the stock market to Chicago’s restaurant scene. But, I can’t think of anything I’d rather write about than lesbian weddings and gay marriage. So, I’m thrilled to add my voice to what I believe is one of the most important discussions of our time, and I look forward to hearing all of your voices as well.
In 2004, I was a bridesmaid four times. Aside from amassing a collection of dresses I’ll “totally be able to wear again,” I spent a lot of time thinking about marriage. I was an out lesbian, and in a committed (albeit tumultuous) relationship back then, but every time I watched one of my straight friends walk down the aisle, I couldn’t quite envision myself as the one in the big white gown.
And, believe you me, it wasn’t because I don’t believe in marriage (I’m a hopeless romantic and serial monogamist) or because I am ambivalent about the fussy minutiae that can accompany a wedding — I once begged a bride-to-be and her fiancé to pay $5,000 for white chair covers for their reception because the thought of those naked banquet chairs was too depressing for me. I loved everything about marriage and weddings — the romantic proposal stories, the sparkly diamond rings, the dresses, the “roses or calla lilies” debates, the cake tastings, the free cookware! Oh, and the whole “’til death do us part” and partner for life thing sounded pretty appealing too.
But, as a lesbian in 2004, as much as I wanted to be married, it didn’t seem like a realistic option for me. Yes, depending on where you lived, domestic partnership and civil unions were possibilities, but we all know that “civil union” is code for “not a wedding” and a domestic partner really isn’t the same as a wife. I didn’t want some second-class citizen, red-headed stepchild version of a wedding – I wanted the real thing!
A lot has changed in those six short years since my “year of the bridesmaid.” Many lesbian and gay couples are no longer content to throw quiet, little commitment ceremonies or just draw up domestic partnership agreements in the romantic privacy of their attorneys’ offices. No ‘mam, these days, we are having full-fledged, “look at this rock,” here come the brides, champagne-fueled, white dress-clad, $50 a plate, bona fide weddings!
Rocker Melissa Etheridge was one of the first famous gay ladies to tie the knot in her 2003 marriage to (and subsequent separation from) Tammy Lynn Michaels. Since then, everywhere you turn, it seems like someone is getting gay married — from celesbian icons Ellen and Portia DeGeneres to ravel-rousing Rosie O’Donnell and her (now-ex) partner Kelli Carpenter to probably one or more of your ex-girlfriends (hopefully not to each other). Rich and famous or girls-next-door, rural or urban, young or old — lesbians everywhere are saying “I do” in a big way.
Of course, it’s not really a trend until it’s documented on reality TV, and gay marriage took center stage this year on The Real L Word. Love them or hate them, viewers followed along as Nikki Weiss and Jill Goldstein kvetched over every detail of their lavish lesbian nuptials, complete with $9,000 wedding planner. In October, the couple tied the knot dressed in designer gowns at a private Jewish ceremony in Malibu.
Clearly, the lesbian urge to couple off and commit is nothing new. Shoot, we’ve been keeping U-Haul in business for decades. But I think our desire to celebrate our commitments in a public way has grown tremendously over the last several years. Obviously, the legalization of gay marriage in Canada and a handful of forward-thinking U.S. states have given more of us the opportunity to tie the knot. If you live within driving distance of Iowa, Washington DC or the few New England states that have legalized gay marriage, you and your betrothed can easily get a real marriage certificate to go with your wedding. But sadly, we all know that those marriage certificates aren’t worth more than the paper they’re printed on once you cross state lines.
What we need is a federal law that legalizes same-sex marriage nationwide (at which point we can join the ranks of wacky nations like Spain, South Africa and the Netherlands, all of which allow gays to marry). But I’m happy to report that we’re not putting our wedding plans on hold while we wait for America to join the 21st century and legalize same-sex unions. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re getting hitched — whether or not the United States government, our employers, or our right-wing grandparents recognize it!
It seems we’ve collectively been bitten by the marriage bug, and I predict there will be a lot more same-sex weddings in our future. Heterosexual people have been getting married for what, 700 or 800 years? And, gay people have been getting married for maybe 10 years. Ladies, the way I see it, we have a little catching up to do, and a lot to talk about. So, every other week, I will address a different topic related to gay marriage and lesbian weddings — from the lighthearted (“Which traditions should we borrow from breeders?”) to the critically important (“Lesbian wedding fashion trends!). I hope you’ll join me in these discussions, and I look forward to your feedback and comments!
