Afternoon Delight: Tegan and Sara’s “On Directing” video and “Modern Family” will trade a naked Sofia Vergara for an Emmy

It’s Tuesday afternoon; you’re sitting in your cubicle, thinking of skiving off your run tonight because it’s sofa king hot, sugar-crashing and wishing for a new Tegan and Sara video preceded by a little Step Up 3 action. And lo, I have heard your prayer! And so, Ta-da!

Somebody got a haircut.

Brace yourself, though — what follows is bad news.

Lady Gaga has kidnapped Commissioner Gordon! According to America’s most reliable news source, The Onion:

GOTHAM CITY—Supervillain Lady Gaga brazenly abducted Commissioner James Gordon from a charity fundraiser Tuesday, leaving police baffled and the citizens of Gotham fearing for their safety. Known for her outlandish costumes and geometric polygon hair, the criminal madwoman made a daring escape from Arkham Asylum last week and has been taunting authorities by interrupting television broadcasts ever since. "If you ever want to see Commissioner Gordon again, you’ll do exactly as I say," Lady Gaga said from her secret lair, adjusting her angular yellow Tyvek and spandex dress as henchmen danced menacingly around the bound commissioner.

Seriously, though, I wouldn’t worry about it. Know why? Because Batwoman lives! J.H. Williams III, who is drawing and writing Batwoman’s new solo title, released some new cover art, and if I may just quote the Boy Wonder: Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods!

Now, let’s keep that heart rate up! The Modern Family Emmy ad promises us a naked Sofia Vergara! No, you haven’t slipped into another one of your fantasies. Naked. Sofia. Vergara. Or something like it.

Like all great artists, Stieg Larsson is having incredible posthumous success. The Wrap reported today that he is the first author to sell more than one million books on Kindle. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest are among the top ten Kindle best-sellers of all time.

The Anyone But Me web-a-thon is in full force!

Let’s just keep with the theme: imagine what would happen if I was cast as Liza Weil‘s love interest in the third season! No? Fine, start your bidding on Ebay. Or you can make donations at anyonebutmeseries.com. HeatherHogan SquarePants just re-requested her Ebay password so she can get all up in that AMB original comic strip auction.

The Guardian‘s Claudia Cahalane recently published a funny piece called "Clare Balding is my new dykon" about BBC presenter Claire Balding‘s new show Britain by Bike:

It took me a while to give in to her look, I’ll admit. She has that
touch of awkwardness one associates with the more butch lady. I used to
want to make her over with a funky jeans and spiky hair combo, but I’ve
grown to appreciate that she dresses for her very traditionally English
pursuits, and that gives her extra credibility. Anyone’s who’s a fan of
Clare’s Ascot get-up, incidentally, is in for a treat if they check out
the "Clare’s Clothes" gallery on her website.

The whole article is really clever; you should read it. Also, if you know where I can, um, obtain Britain by Bike, let me know. I’m going to Challenge the Dragon — tackle Wales from Holyhead to Cardiff — on my bike next summer!

Today’s Afternoon Delight is brought to you by — surprise! — Sofia Vergara! I’ve never wanted Tina Fey to lose an Emmy until now. (Kidding, Dorothy Snarker! Kidding!)

Tweet me if you want to add something (like a hot chick) to Afternoon Delight!

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