Afternoon Delight: Jane Lynch doesn’t mind your sexual advances, Oprah recruits Cat Cora, and “Doctor Who” wants Lady Gaga

Celebrity crushes: when do they cross the line from “dream journal” to “creepy”? I’d say right around the time you approach a celebrity on the street with your (laminated) list of five in hand and offer to spend the afternoon making monkey with her. You know what though? The indomitable Jane Lynch would totally not be weirded out by your clumsy advances.

And now that you know it’s OK to fuel your Lynch Love, you can check out MTV’s list of Sue Sylvester’s best lines from Glee’s freshman season. Here are my four favorites:

“Oh hey there, William, I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of your little elves that live in your hair” – Sue to Will, Episode 15 “The Power of Madonna”

“Get ready for the ride of your life Will Schuester. You’re about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: horror!” – Sue to Will, Episode 13 “Sectionals”

Sue: “Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.” Will: “I don’t menstruate.” Sue: “Neither do I.” – Sue in conversation with Will, Episode 2 “Showmance”

“Dear Journal, Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster. It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver. That quiver will lose us Nationals. Without a championship, I’ll lose my endorsements, and without those endorsements, I won’t be able to buy my hovercraft.” – Sue writes in her journal, Episode 6 “Vitamin D”

• If you’re bummed about a Glee-less summer, I’ve got happy news for you: Little, Brown is teaming up with Twentieth Century Fox to release a Glee book series. The first novel will be a prequel to the first season, aptly named Glee: The Beginning. It will hit stores in August, but as a veteran of the Skins novel, I must offer you a word of caution: If Brittany and Santana end up in the shower with a bunch of shampoo bottles, skip ahead. [via BuzzSugar]

• Lo, The Oprah has spoken. From her heavenly throne The Oprah saith, “It is time to begin introducing programming – of the personal transformation variety – for the Oprah Winfrey Network. The first of my servants I choose to accompany me to OWN is former Iron Chef and openly gay hottie Cat Cora! She will travel the country teaching my people to eat healthy and manage their busy lives.” And the chorus of angels sang, and so it was, and it was good. [via THR]

• And while we’re on the subject of Thus Spake The Oprah about OWN, did you know that our own Bridget McManus auditioned for a show on Oprah’s network? You can check out her pitch and vote for her show. You can do it once a day until voting closes. You can do it right now. I said do it right now!

• Queerty posted a video I’ve never seen before called “The Perils of Lesbianity,” and it made me giggle for five straight minutes.

“I present you with a waist coat and pair of casual slacks as´?? a token of my esteem!”

• I have a dream for Lindsay Lohan that involves her moving out of Hollywood to some quaint village in Europe where there’s no paparazzi and no way for her to Tweet and no illicit substances and no porn star movies (but plenty of fresh-baked pastries!), and in the morning she’ll read and write and ponder the meaning of life, and in the afternoon she’ll receive visits from her Mean Girls costars, and they’ll talk about fashion and art and coping with fame in a healthy way, and then in the evenings she’ll do the homework assigned to her by her life coach, Tina Fey, who meets with her on Fridays. Then in two years, she will return to Hollywood and lives up to her potential. Isn’t that a good dream? Alas, it looks like she may just end up on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice, with her dad. [via Movieline]

• Ever wonder how scary a Fame Monster is, really? Well you may find out soon, becaise Dr. Who screenwriter Gareth Roberts wants Lady Gaga to guest star on the show. He told OK!: “She is no stranger to dressing up and would be more than a match for the Doctor.” You know who would be a perfect match for me? Amy Pond. [via NYP]

• In a recent poll, our beloved Skins was voted “most unreal” student drama over 90210 and Gossip Girl, which makes me think the people who voted have never seen an episode of 90210 or Gossip Girl. The 30-year-old kids on the Upper East Side need a teleporter to get around the city like they do, and last season alone, Chuck’s mother came back from the dead and Serena’s dad poisoned her mother with cancer! From antibiotics! And Nate Archibald is constantly saying things like, “And then you disappeared – never to be heard from again, for a year!” [via DigitalSpy]

• Closing statements and arguments in the Prop. 8 trial will begin next Wednesday, and in an unusual move, federal district judge Vaughn Walker has issued 11 pages of “Questions for Closing Arguments.” Among them: What if the evidence shows that there’s no rational basis for excluding same-sex couples from marriage? And: Even if the evidence shows that kids do best when raised by their biological parents, how does that finding support Prop 8?

John Culhane, Professor of Law and Director of the Health Law Institute at Widener University School of Law, has broken down some of the most interesting questions at 365Gay.

Finally, the result of yesterday’s poll are in and you would rather watch … a Pile Of Lesbians! Poor Pile of Kittens, lost by the ink of one tattoo.

 

Today’s Afternoon Delight is brought to you by Bridget Regan because Han M called me out yesterday for not giving Legend of the Seeker enough love.