Lesson two: Who’s the boy and who’s the girl? How to politely defuse stupid questions from straight people.
As a representative of the revered social grouping known as The Lesbians, at times a gay lady may find herself on the receiving end of some highly indelicate questions in regards to her personal life. Examples of these may include “How do two chicks, like, do it?” “Which one of you is the boy and which one is the girl?” and “Can I watch?” While it may be tempting in these situations to resort to such methods as shouting “Watch this, mothercusser!” prior to making strong hand gestures, a gay lady always knows that as an enlightened member of one of the higher echelons of society, she may triumph over these situations with a small amount of preparation.
The following guidelines will assist you through these otherwise potentially vulgar moments, armed with nothing but your own sweet smile and evolved intellect. Please do remember ladies: Wash your hands carefully after each situation occurs. How do two chicks, like, do it? Personally, I find the most dignified way to respond to this most improper line of questioning, is by ensuring I always carry a selection of delightfully educational pamphlets on the subject. You can make these yourself at home in a pinch. The best variety to have on hand will include those with alphabetised subject headings, a full range of in-depth diagrams and a list of helpful videos at the end. Hand your questioner one with a sympathetic smile; not everyone gets to be a gay lady.