Lesson One: Why is everyone scowling at me? How to conduct oneself in a lesbian bar.
On entering into the lesbian social scene, a gay lady may at times find herself flummoxed by the many rules and social regulations to which one is expected to adhere. But by following these simple rules of etiquette, the modern gay lady can ensure that her dance card will never be empty and a myriad of marriage proposals will ensue.
Practice makes a perfect pout
The correct procedure is as follows: Lips may be fetchingly pouted or posed into a carefully arranged scowl. Eyes may be occasionally seductive, but it is considered best practice to cover any unsightly appearance of genuine interest or potential points of vulnerability. Foreheads are generally slightly furrowed, in order to provide the impression that one is beguilingly angst ridden. Chins are currently worn high, because a gay lady always knows the importance of ensuring that no one gets the idea you’re appearing in public because you remotely want to speak to anyone.
Lead with the hips
Strike a pose
Once you’re in position, you may now commence your pose. There is a complex art to this, ladies, but you will find that by imitating those around you (slouched, hips to the forefront, patented lesbian thumb tuck into your jeans front pocket or waistband) you will not go wrong. It is most important that you now return to step one and remember to glare menacingly yet hopefully at anyone who walks by.