I don’t really know how to put this lightly for all of you living under a rock or whatever, but there are a fair amount of queer ladies with a serious case of Justin Bieber fever. If you’re not convinced, just watch his music video for “One Time” to check out this young man’s girlish good looks and high octaves because as much as I’m going to attempt to elaborate, there really are no words.
At the ripe age of 16, Justin’s lyrics tell a much more mature story the than ticks on his growth chart should allow. My theory is that like any good mama’s boy, he’s in love with his mother, who happens to be a divorcee and the only way that I can imagine a freshman in high school could have such seriously tragic love song material.
In case you need further convincing that this is no small fire drill, blogs like Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber are coming up faster than our boy and even Tegan and Sara have jumped on the train, tweeting yesterday that they ought to change their name to Bieber and Sara. (Or perhaps Tiegs and Biebs?)
Really, as with most things rich in queer, it has a lot to do with the haircut. Hipster boys and lesbians have been duking it out for several years as to who wears the quintessential queer girl cut best and I would have to say (and I think you’ll agree) that up until now, it has not been replicated so authentically. I actually had to apologize to my partner for accidentally giving her a JB style shag – I didn’t even realize what I had done until a week after the fact. Subliminal messaging?
Someone told Justin lesbians were the ultimate in hot stuff and stirring up attention as of late and he promptly hired a former L Word stylist? Hard to say, but I’d safely recommend any version he’s tried for a spot on sapphic ‘do. Your world is my world, Justin.
Can you find me a lesbian who doesn’t love her hoodie more than her cat? I’d love to see you try. Bieber’s angsty hoodie wearing accentuates the lesbian look he pulls off so very neatly, it’s like the cherry on top of the sundae, on the real. He has all varieties too, it’s like he followed some of you to American Apparel to make sure he got it just right. When he tries out the scarf and jacket combo it’s almost like a brunette, younger Ellen DeGeneres is gazing dreamily back at me from my computer screen! Now, not that I’m implying anything (like I would ever do that), but his style has even been compared that of Ellen Page. I’m just saying, Ellen.
Note: he also appears to favor the “peace sign” pose for like, every photo op like certain celesbians named Lindsay.
I suppose it also doesn’t hurt that he’s running around singing all kinds of jams utterly dripping with sappy sentiments. I feel like you could imagine yourself in his place, giving flowers to your former adolescent crushes, promising endless romances, making “one less lonely girl” a reality. A journey back in time, if you will. Hollywood would not be hard pressed to find stunt doubles of this cherub cheeked PYT should he decide to really get all Usher (his producer) on us and use some special effects in the next masterpiece of a music video. FYI, for a double dose of lesbian dream cake, check out Justin Bieber and Tina Fey on SNL this Saturday night. Maybe you can pick up a new style tip or two, fresh off the press. Don’t hate, emulate.
So what do you say – have you got the fever?
