Frances McDormand goes robotic for “Transformers 3″

That settles it. Robots have taken over the planet and have replaced our most talented and beloved actors with mechanical clones. Really, how else can you explain the news that Oscar-winner Frances McDormand and two-time Oscar nominee John Malkovich have signed on to appear in Transformers 3.

Yes, that Transformers franchise. Yes, alongside Megan Fox. Yes, with Michael “Boom Boom” Bay. No. it’s not April Fool’s Day. No, seriously, it’s not April Fool’s Day — I double checked. Bay announced the news on his blog Monday, leading to a “Whaaaaa?” heard around the world. As in, what is this — Transformers 3: The Madness of Marge Gunderson?

Bay announced the new additions in his blog Monday. He called McDormand and Malkovich “amazing actors I’ve always wanted to work with.” In the same post he also announced that Community’s Ken Jeong was joining the cast and the newest Autobot would be a Ferrari 458 Italia.

McDormand will apparently the National Intelligence Director and Malkovich will be Shia LaBeouf’s boss. No word yet on what the Ferrari will be playing, but my guess is something fast.

The role marks the first major blockbuster franchise that McDormand — previously known for critically acclaimed indie fare like Fargo, Almost Famous and Burn After Reading — has joined. Now she has ventured into more mainstream offerings before like the 2003’s Something’s Gotta Give and the 2005’s Æon Flux. But a film with big machines that turn into even bigger machines is entirely new territory.

So is a film franchise that has a track record of making movie critics open up their thesauruses and look for synonyms for “sucks.” The sequel Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen topped (or should I say bottomed?) the Razzie Awards this year with Worst Picture, Worst Director and Worst Screenplay dishonors.

Though, I guess I can’t begrudge these two veteran actors from cashing in what I can only assume are obscenely large paychecks. But it still makes a gal wonder. What can we look forward to next? Meryl Streep and Helen Mirren in Showgirls 3: Cougar Strip?

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