You know that sense of panic you get when you’re out with your friends and you suddenly can’t remember if you set your DVR? Or that other feeling of annoyance/self-pity you get when you’re out with your friends and they’re yammering on about Ellen’s birthday episode and how glamorous Adam Lambert was, but you don’t have anything to add to the conversation because you didn’t know about Ellen’s birthday episode?
Well, we’re launching a new Monday morning feature here at AfterElllen.com: The Closet, a preview of the week ahead in lesbian/bi (and other interesting women-centric) entertainment — so you never have to feel that way again!
Check out what’s happening this week! All times are Eastern Standard. If a show is airing a rerun, I haven’t listed it (i.e. Grey’s Anatomy).
24 (Fox, 9:00) — Out actress Cherry Jones plays President Taylor, who runs into an unexpected obstacle in her precarious peace agreement with President Hassan. Renee Walker (Annie Wersching) teams back up with recently the reinstated Jack MacGruber Bauer.
Heroes (NBC, 9:00) — After last week’s episode, in which Claire and Gretchen finally had The Talk without either of them dying (or sustaining any life-threatening injuries), Grace Chu declared that the Curse of the Parking Lot has been lifted! According to NBC’s previews (and some spoilers I sneaked a peek at), Claire and Gretchen don’t have a lot to do this week, but Madeline Zima is billed as a guest star, so the newly official lesbian couple will at least be present. Maybe they’ll hold hands and not die some more. That would be nice.
Lady GaGa’s 19-hour takeover (Fuse, 11:00 a.m.) — You want your everything as long as it’s free? Well, good news! In preparation for her potential Grammy sweep on Sunday, Fuse is airing a day of non-stop Lady GaGa. The programs on tap include Lady Gaga: On The Record with Fuse, The Lady Gaga Chronicles, Loaded: Lady Gaga, plus performances, red carpet interviews, concert excerpts and music videos.
The Oprah Show, Rosie O’Donnell: Life After the Breakup and Her New Love — The Harpo promo guys are billing Monday’s appearance as a "nothing’s off limits tell-all," like that’s some kind of rarity when it comes to Rosie O. She’ll be talking about her divorce from Kelli Carpenter, her new girlfriend and her time on The View. And it’s Oprah, so you know someone’s going to cry.
Transgendered & Pregnant (Discovery Health, 8:00) — Emily is a transgender woman and Cai is her transgender husband. The couple says they fell in love at first site, but because of sex change hormones, they never knew they could have a child. This documentary follows them from conception to parenthood.
Better Off Ted (ABC, 8:30) — A charity for girls is giving Veronica an award this week. We’re sure she’ll be just as shocked as we were to find out. Portia de Rossi, though? She’s already won the most prestigious award in the entertainment universe: The number one spot on AfterEllen.com’s 2009 Hot 100.
State of the Union (Every channel, 9:00) — Will President Obama infuse the LGBT community with some of that Hope he was so heavy on in 2008? Will he address DADT or DOMA? We’re guessing probably not. Jobs-creation and healthcare will get top-billing. And Rachel Maddow will join MSNBC’s team of pundits to break it down after the speech.
Ellen’s birthday show — Ellen DeGeneres celebrates her birthday on Tuesday’s show. From the previews it looks like Adam Lambert will serenade her and Harry Connick Jr. will propose. Will Arnett is stopping by too, and good luck to him in trying to outdo Amy Poehler‘s present from last year: a 250-foot roll of bubble wrap.
American Idol (Fox, 9:00) — AfterElton.com’s Gay Man of the Decade, Neil Patrick Harris, joins the Idol team in Dallas. Could he be making a play for Simon’s soon-to-be-vacated judging spot? Is it possible that the gay gods love us enough to give us Ellen and Neil together on primetime? Oh, please let that happen!
The Real World: Washington DC (MTV, 10:00) — Will Emily continue her play on Ty, or will she mack on a girl this week? We don’t know, but we can pretty much guarantee the following things: alcohol, rage and making out. We just don’t know which cast members will be participating.
Caprica (SyFy, 9:00) — Will bisexual headmistress Sister Clarice pull back her sleeve and reveal her Dark Mark? Will she proudly display her "I’m with the cult" t-shirt? It’s probably too soon in the season for that, but rest assured — she’s absolutely got both of those things.
The Wanda Sykes Show (Fox, 11:00) — Aisha Tyler joins Wanda’s guest panel in an episode where Wanda will surely skewer the conservative response to President Obama’s State of the Union address.
A Family is a Family is a Family: A Rosie O’Donnell Celebration (HBO, 7:00) — Rosie’s documentary highlights dozens of different kind of families: same-sex parents, mixed-heritage parents, single parents, adoptive parents. Rosie talks to her kids about her breakup: "Even though Mommy Kelli and I aren’t living in the same house anymore, we’re still a family. Family is forever. And family is love." The best parts, though, are of children explaining what family means to them.
The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards (CBS, 8:00) — Beyonce and Taylor Swift are both nominated for Record of the Year. Is it wrong that I’m hoping Kanye will rush the stage again?
Gays on Repeat
The Rachel Maddow Show, week nights at 9:00 on MSNBC.
Issues with Jane Valez-Mitchell, nightly at 7:00 on CNN’s Headline News.
The Suze Orman Show, Saturdays at 5 a.m., 9 p.m., and 12 a.m. on CNBC.
The Ellen DeGeneres Show, daytime weekdays. Check your local listings.
Off and Running (opens Friday in limited release) — Brooklyn teen Avery grew up with white Jewish parents and two adopted brothers. She is a track superstar who hopes to get a scholarship to college, but her curiosity about her African-American roots leads her on a search to find out what her true identity is, and what family really means.
Batwoman in Detective Comics #861 (on stands Wednesday) — After her groundbreaking arc in "Origins" — in which we found out why she left the military (DADT) and about her relationship with Renee Montoya — Batwoman is back in the first of the four-issue "Cutter" arc. And guess who’s joining her? The Dark Knight himself. That automatically means things are going to take a more macabre turn, but don’t worry about Batman overshadowing Batwoman. He may snag the cover of #861, but we know by now that the GLAAD-nominated Greg Rucka can be trusted with our lesbian heroine.
Check back this week for all your favorite features: interviews, recaps, commentary, picture posts, breaking news and more. If you have any tips about what’s coming out in the coming weeks, remember to email us: firstname.lastname@example.org.
What are you most looking forward to this week?