As a member of the queer community it is inevitable that we will face ignorant questions or suppositions raised by the more straight-minded species. Hell, I’m pretty ignorant when it comes to some of our own community (I couldn’t pick out a top from a bottom in a lineup if I had to). Nikki Dowling over at The Frisky finally had enough of the idiocy and decided to once and for all extinguish the flames of stupidity coming at her on a daily basis. Of course, I don’t agree with everything she said and I asked some of my Twitter peeps to provide some of their own misconceptions. Let’s take a quick look at her list shall we?
Lesbian Misconception #1: Lesbians Hate Men
Don’t these same people remember how much love Rosie O’Donnell had for Tom Cruise. She spent an entire talk show career forcing America to watch her love for him.
Lesbian Misconception #2: Being Gay is Easier Than Being Straight Because You’re Dating Someone Who is The Same Gender as You
First, I don’t even want to start getting into the Great Gender Debate of 2009. Second, if anyone thinks it’s easier for two women to date, I’d like for them to visit my place around PMS cycle time. Secondly, these people have obviously not seen Giaor High Art. Let’s put it this way: If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, lesbians are from a completely different solar system.
Lesbian Misconception #3: There is always a “man” and a “woman” in lesbian relationships
This is a tricky one because I’m not sure if they mean “more butch” or that they are a “top”. I have, ahem, found that one does not always correlate with the other. Look at Cali and Arizona — or Erica Hahn. And it’s not like Bette or Tina were winning any “super butch” competition.
Lesbian Misconception #4: Lesbians Scissor
Another tricky one just because I can’t peak into every lesbian’s bedroom, no matter how hard I try. For the most part though, just realistically, I can say that it would be a very awkward position to be in unless you wanted to have sex and play cards at the same time. Uno!
Lesbian Misconception #5: Lesbians get committed really fast and don’t cheat.
One word: Shane.
Lesbian Misconception #6: Lesbians Have Daddy Issues or Were Sexually Abused As Kids
Can we please drop this BS already? Do you know how many more lesbians there would be in this world if this were true? Total sad reality. To top it all off, a lot of the lesbians I know are incredibly close to their dads. My dad was my best friend and his photograph has secured the most coveted spot on my desk at work. Unfortunately, The L Word has more proof against this than for.
Lesbian Misconception #7: If you are a lesbian you’ve never had a meaningful relationship or been in love with a man.
Puleeeze. Sure, some of us are members of the Gold Star club, but many lesbians have been in love with men and some have even married them. I’d say more than half of the lesbian movies out there start out with one half of the eventual pair being married to a man: Imagine Me and You, Bound, When Night is Falling — should I go on? Melissa Etheridge‘s ex-wife Julie Cypher was married to Lou Diamond Phillips first.
Dowling’s list is pretty great overall, but I asked some of my Twitter peeps to send me some of their, um, favorite misconceptions. My girl @labfly had a great one: “We don’t all play softball well (or at all).”
That’s right — we’re not all natural athletes. We all remember one of the funnier moments of the 4th season of The L Word when the girls played a horrific game of basketball. Bette seemed to be the only one capable of dribbling the ball, much less make a basket.
What are some of the misconceptions/stupid questions/bad stereotypes you deal with?