The battle wages on: Fake lesbians – liberated or lame?

Australia’s Hungry Beast is attempting to conquer a conundrum near-and-dear to anyone who’s ever had an opinion about Katy Perry: Fake Lesbianism. In a two-minute video available on their site, actual gay Monique Schafter goes up against straight lady Veronica in a fisticuffs cage match about fauxmosexuality.

The intro: “We all know there are only two types of lesbians — Katy ‘I kissed a girl, and I liked it’ Perry and real ones like Ruby Rose.”

Monique’s argument:

I am sick of straight girls pashing [that's Aussie for passionate kissing] to get attention: Madonna and Britney, Drew Barrymore and that girl from Juno, and even try-hard lezo twins, The Veronicas. Such a lame marketing ploy. I’m complaining because they’re only doing it to drum up publicity, and they’re not even gay.

Veronica’s argument:

Hey, you might think this is lame, but for me this is sexual liberation. These girls pashing is proof that what gays have been fighting for for 50 years is finally here. You wanted acceptance and now you’re complaining. Sheesh! Women! You don’t have to be a lesbian to kiss another girl. That is so homo-sexist.

This argument has been raging since before t.A.T.u., and as long as network Sweeps exist, there’s no end it sight. The reason it seems impossible to answer the fauxmosexual question is because — well, what is the fauxmosexual question?

Are fake lesbians annoying? Are they harmful? Do fake lesbians ruin lesbianism for real lesbians? Are fake lesbians a punch in the gut to the equality movement? Or has the equality movement been so successful that it is now socially acceptable to be a fake lesbian?

Oh, and here’s a question no one ever asks, but it’s the one at the heart of the puzzle: who has the right to label another person as a “fake” lesbian?

There are, of course, women like Katy Perry who confess to being straight and kissing other women to titillate their boyfriends — but for every Katy Perry, there’s a Lindsay Lohan, who people refuse to acknowledge as legitimately queer until she’s pleading on Twitter for Sam Ronson to marry her. (Hyperbole. LiLo has not proposed to SamRo on Twitter. I don’t think.)

How does the lesbian community as a whole feel about fake lesbianism? The jury is still out. Plenty of lesbians I know will rail the day away about Katy Perry, but if you show them a photo of Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page kissing, they’ll be rendered speechless with glee.

As for me: I kiss girls. I actually do like it. And I’m only using my label-maker on myself.

Here’s the video, so you can see for yourself:

What do you think about the Hungry Beast’s take on fake lesbians?

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