Where to Meet Lesbians When You Hate Bars

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We get it, not everyone is down with the late night girl party scene. Or even the happy hour scene. If bars and clubs are not your thing, it can feel like you’re left out of the dating pool, in the off-line world, anyway. But not to worry! There are plenty of places you can meet single ladies in everyday life. We conducted some thorough investigative research in order to zoom in on exactly where lesbians are most likely to meet each other without the dim lighting and the craft cocktails. VERY thorough. And this is what we came up with.

Vegan Restaurants

Any vegan restaurant, but especially if you live on the west coast. Really. Just go to one, and look around. You may have to make several trips but this one is a solid plan. Lesbians going vegan is a thing, trust us.  In the end, all that time at the salad bar will pay off, and hey, even if you don’t find love,  your arteries will be so healthy. Win-win.

The Gynecologist’s Waiting Room

 

Wait, wait. We know this sounds creepy…at FIRST. But if you think about the facts of life – and where better to do that than while getting a pap smear –  all women go to the gyno, and that includes lesbians. You’re bound to run into one of your kind in the waiting room, and think of the awkward small talk you could make. This is a dream situation! With nowhere to run and plenty of time to make eye contact while pretending to be engrossed in Teen Vogue.  Now go make your yearly appointment!

A Subaru Dealership

Lezbaru taught us, via Dana Fairbanks, to get out and stay out. And that’s why the car continues to be the beloved driving choice of lesbians nationwide. It’s dependable, it’s affordable, it drives great, and also we will do anything Dana Fairbanks says we should do! RIP, Dana. She is looking down on us now, from fictional L Word heaven. And you meeting the woman of your dreams in the showroom of that Subaru dealership would surely make her smile.

H&M

If you’re looking for the urban chic femme of your dreams, she’s probably at H&M, trying on some skinny jeans. Look for the butches in the men’s section, where they can find pants and shirts that actually fit. Bam. You’ll lock eyes from across the room and coincidentally get in line at the same time, or even better – be in the same dressing room at the same time. Don’t be coy.

Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Any Hardware Store, Really.

This is self-explanatory. It’s an old stereotype and yeah, probably not gonna find the lipstick lesbian of your dreams here, but if you are looking for love in a woman who knows her way around a power drill and you need a new set of cabinets made, look no further.

A Cat Rescue

Dog lovers, calm down. We don’t want to hear from you right now or how you don’t like cats. Lesbians have a long herstory with cats that cannot be denied, and a cat rescue is PRIME breeding ground for sapphic sisters who are hopeful old cat ladies in the making. Because cats are f*cking awesome!! That being said…

A Dog Park

Some lesbians like dogs. And they make GREAT conversation starters. Unless your dog is annoying and barks too much and tries to smell crotches. Then please go fix that situation. But if you have a well-behaved cute pooch, you are golden. How are you even single right now?

A Feminist Bookstore

Probably just like the one in Portlandia. Disclaimer: only certain types of lesbians will be found here, and they are usually INTENSE. You’ve been warned, but if intensity is your thing then by all means, go to there. You’ll be right in your element.

A Sporting Event

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Any of them, really, but especially soccer, tennis, or a basketball game. And no, not all lesbians are into sports, but even the ones who hate sports seem to gather around for no reason other than it’s just where the lesbians are. Shrug. Try it, let us know.

A Potluck

Ahh. the potluck. You either love them or they make you cringe. The truth is, lesbians aren’t the most wealthy among the population, and going out is expensive. Super expensive. For that reason, we tend to make fun of our own in each other’s homes. If you hate bars but you like food or even beer that is served out of a fridge rather than a tap, then the potluck is for you. Now stop reading this list and go get yourself invited to one! How? Hmm. That’s going on the next list.

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