12 Days of Butchmas: Christmas Gifts for the Butch in Your Life

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Make the yuletide gayer for the tender butches in your life. We’ve got prezzies for the dapper, stud, chapstick, and andro sweeties. Nothing says lesbian culture quite like doing it yourself, so homemade and DIY dykes rejoice, we’ve got plenty of ideas for you, too. Your butch sweetie will stick out in any crowd (usually whether trying to or not), so make sure your gifts are just as unique.

 

1. Meg Allen’s Butch

First on the list is Butch, by Meg Allen, which is now available in paperback. It’s a collection of portraits, taken from 2012-2017, of Bay-area butches in their element. San Francisco has been straightening up, with gay culture (and especially lesbian culture) being swept away by a flood of tech money. Allen’s work shows butch identity and lesbian culture are not going away, even if the dominant narrative insists otherwise.

2. Weed Lube

If you and your sweetie have not yet tried weed lube, it’s high time. Commercial lubes in legal states are like $50 for a fluid ounce (pretty much worth every penny, IMO). When used topically, the THC increases blood flow and sensation wherever it’s applied (which makes it a good massage oil as well!). To make it at home, where no doubt she will be able to feel the love baked in, and for a sliver of the cost, you’ll need fractionated coconut oil, maybe some jojoba oil, maybe a few drops of essential oil, such as peppermint if she likes a tingle, and a bunch of cannabis flower. Check out this two ingredient recipe. I know you sex posi wims out there would spank me if I forgot to mention: this isn’t a good lube if you’re using latex barriers on each other or your toys.

3. Homemade Chapstick

What better gift for the chapstick lesbian in your life than a tube or pot of the handmade stuff. You can make it with beeswax, shea butter, the leftover fractionated coconut oil from your DIY lube adventure… Here’s one of my favorite recipes because it’s easy and cheap.

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4. Hardware

Every time I stroll into the hardware store, there’s that sweet lesbian couple (or 5). They’re in the Carhartt jackets and paint swatches, the carts full of pipes, plywood, and power tools. Who among you will deny they are relationship goals?

Get her a gift card (here’s one to Lowe’s), and tell her you’ll join her in the fasteners aisle (get it!?).

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5. Bow Ties and Pocket Squares

I’ve yet to meet a woman with too many bow ties and pocket squares (although many a woman has more bow ties than occasions to wear them). A handsome waistcoat really says, “let’s go out!” but so often the dapper dyke needs to visit her tailor first. You can’t go wrong with ties and pocket squares; they pretty much fit every body. Check out this masculine couture Haute Butch. Dapper and Urban has some leather bow ties for your butch daddy.

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6. Clippers

Maybe she’s tired of arguing with the barber to go shorter and less feminine, or maybe it’s just getting expensive to keep that fade fresh AF every 10 days. In any case, a pair of clippers could be just what she needs. Bonus, this set of Wahl clippers comes with rainbow guards for maximum gay pride.

7. Home Cut Mirror

If you’re gonna get her clippers, she’ll need to see sharp. Get her the Self-Cut System for home hair cuts. DIY dykes scoffing at that premium price tag — you know I didn’t forget about you. Just pick up three identical wood-framed mirrors, attach them together at top and bottom with ordinary cabinet hinges, et voila.

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8. Herbal Tea

She may be hard on the outside, but she’s probably a big softie underneath. The kind who cried during “Fun Home,” melts when talking about rescue dogs, and drinks herbal tea. If so, check out these herbal teas from dyke duo Wide Eyes Open Palms. My favorite is Dreamcatcher, but I think Sexy Time would make a better gift.

9. Camping Gear

For the outdoorsbian, get her something you can take on the trail together. A two-woman tent, a double hammock, or for the real big commitment, zip-together sleeping bags. What Sappho has joined, let no frosty night put asunder. Sleep like spoons, or if it gets too cozy, like otters holding hands, inside your double sleeping bag.

10. Ugly Sweaters

She asked for the end of patriarchy, but all you could get her was this slightly confrontational ugly Christmas sweater to wear in front of the close-minded straights back at home.

11. Gingerbread Butch

Get some lesbian representation in your holiday cookies. Try these lesbian cookie cutters from Bakerlogy. When busting out the icing and sprinkles for your ginger bread persons, dyke them up. Set your gingerbread butch apart with a wallet chain, bowtie, or leather vest and hat combo.

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12. Music

For your hipster stud, vinyl is a great choice. New music from beloved dykes St. Vincent’s “Masseduction,” Syd’s “Fin,” and Tegan and Sara’s “Con X” cover album would make great selections.  While you’re at it, impress her and everybody at the framily Christmas party with an all-homo holiday playlist, featuring by KD Lang’s rendition of “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch”, Melissa Etheridge’s Christmas in America (did you know Melissa is on an East Coast Christmas tour?), and for the lonely hearts, Bessie Smith’s Christmas at the Ball.

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