Lesbianing with AE! Losing Your Lesbian Virginity

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Dear Lindsey,

I realized I was a lesbian three years ago but haven’t had the opportunity to get with a girl, my college was super straight. Now I’m trying to change that. I hooked up with guys in the past, but I haven’t been physical with ladies aside from kissing. I met this girl over the summer, she was super hot and super experienced, and we really hit it off but she put on the brakes when she found out I hadn’t been with a girl at all. I saw her at a party recently and she was coming on strong. What does it mean?

Getty Images

Getty Images

-Young

Hey Young,

It means she is into you. Or she was drunk and flirting. It can look the same, but you’ll need her input to figure out what she’s after.

If you want to take things further, ask her to hang out.

At some point — maybe even when you ask her out — she is probably going to bring up your lack of experience. She’s been on the scene for a while from what you say. When she starts something new, she’s going to want to have sex. She might be willing to take it slow for a little if you’re not ready for that, but she’s not going to be celibate for 6 months while you get ready. And she might be worried that you’ll imprint on her — that if she is your first, you’ll get all season 1 Jenny on her.

If you want to wait before you have sex, you are better off looking for someone who would be willing to take it slow until you’re ready.

But if you’re ready to go, then all you need to do is tell her that you’re interested in her and overcome any objections about getting hung up. Since she’s giving you mixed messages, she might be looking for something fun instead of something serious. She’s worried that you’ll expect her to be your girlfriend if you two have sex.

Let her know how chill you can be in this regard by making the first move and then making it clear that you want to sleep with her, no strings attached (if, you know, you are).

She’s worried that you’ll expect her to be your girlfriend if you two have sex. Let her know how chill you can be in this regard by making the first move and then making it clear that you want to sleep with her, no strings attached (if, you know, you are).

If she continues flirting with you but seems reluctant to go out, she might just be in it for the attention and you’re gonna be best off forgetting her. One of the best ways to do that? Find another woman, then make her jealous when you run into one another at parties.

Do you have a burning question for Lindsey? Email the editor at memoree@afterellen.com with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line! 

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