Lesbianing with AE! Her cats are ruining your sex life. Here’s what to do.

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My new girlfriend has two cats, which I’m fine with. But how the hell do I keep them off the bed while we’re having sex? She doesn’t want to lock them out of her room because her roommates complain. – Not That Into Pussy

Hey NTIP,

Chances are, this has never happened before and your girlfriend is mortified. For all you know, she’s googling like made right now to figure out what she can do so this never happens again. Let’s hope so!

But… you should definitely come up with a plan to deal with this next time you see her in case she didn’t notice/didn’t think it’s a problem/gives the cats free reign over the bed no matter who is in it.

It’s understandable that you don’t want to be too pushy since you’re a new couple. Yet if you don’t let her know how this is a total turn-off for you, it’s going to continue to be a problem so you might as well come up with some creative solutions!

Getty Images

Getty Images

It’s understandable that you don’t want to be too pushy since you’re a new couple. Yet if you don’t let her know how this is a total turn-off for you, it’s going to continue to be a problem so you might as well come up with some creative solutions!

First, open up with your new lady about how it made you feel. You can do this in person or on the phone… as long as you don’t bring the issue up while you’re getting it on.

Just be direct, use your words, and stress that you want to work on the problem together. Try, “Remember last weekend when you were going down on me? I got really distracted when your cats jumped on the bed. I know you said you can’t shut them out of the room, but can we talk about some ways to keep that from happening again? I would really appreciate it.”Simple, direct, and it should work.

Also? Your discussion doesn’t have to be SUPER SERIOUS. Humor can lighten the mood and help you broach the topic in a way that keeps you both feeling comfortable. Some cats jumped on her bed at an inopportune moment and it freaked you out (Spoiler alert: Worse things will happen in your relationship). Leave space to laugh about what happened, and allow the creative problem solving experience to bring you closer together.

Humor can lighten the mood and help you broach the topic in a way that keeps you both feeling comfortable. Some cats jumped on her bed at an inopportune moment and it freaked you out (Spoiler alert: Worse things will happen in your relationship).

If your new girl is reluctant or resistant to hear what you’re saying, or shuts down in the convo, it could be a red flag. She should want you to be comfortable and happy, and cats interrupting your hookup do not lead to comfortable or happy. If she doesn’t want to hear what you’re saying and try to make thing better, then you need to ask yourself (and her!) what’s really going on here and if it’s something you want to stick around for.

If this has come up in the past, your new girlfriend probably has some tried-and-true solutions to get the kitties out of your sex life! If she’s stumped, here some things to suggest: Catnip, putting the kitties in a cat carrier, using a cat deterrent spay on the sheets, and of course not using just the bed for sexy times (try the shower!).

Do you have a question for Lindsey? Write our editor at memoree@afterellen.com with “Q for Lindsey” in the subject line. 

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