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Redefining the Perfect Summer Body

 

 

Club Skirt’s Dinah Shore Weekend is right around the corner. This lesbian mecca is a melting pot of thousands of women who travel to Palm Springs, California once a year to unite as a community. The music festival is the largest lesbian gathering on the planet. Pool parties and nightlife events are continuously hosted for five days.

In preparation for Dinah Shore Weekend, the term “Dinah body” gets thrown around a lot.

So what is a “Dinah body?”

The original intention of Dinah’s creation was to provide a safe space for lesbians to mix and mingle. Lesbians from all over the world flock to Palm Springs each March, and they come in all shapes and sizes. However, Hollywood has done a great job of warping our perceptions of what it means to be “Dinah ready.”

When I try to formulate an answer to the above question, some specific groups come to mind. The cast of Showtime’s The L Word, the women of The Real L Word by the same producer, and the girls in almost every photo that pops up in a Google image search with “Dinah Shore Weekend” in the keywords. These women have washboard abs, no tan lines, and magazine cover hair. Videos of The Dinah often have gorgeous women scantily clad (if not naked), tight and toned from head to toe.

 

Photo: LA Weekly

Influenced by this Hollywood portrayal of Dinah, as the days inched closer to this utopian lesbian vacation I decided to retire my sedentary status. Being totally single, I was sparked by the idea of being half-naked in a hotel pool among thousands of women. Images of celebratory swimsuit models tugged at my thoughts. What started out as a minor health kick, turned into so much more.

This is my personal journey of how I redefined what a “Dinah body” means to me.

This is my personal journey of how I redefined what a “Dinah body” means to me.
The Summer Body Transformation Standing inside of a machine that looked like it was about to vaporize me into atomic particles and teleport me into another dimension, my body wiggled as I stood on an aggressively vibrating platform. Although I wore protective mini-goggles, I could still dimly see the red glow that engulfed me while inside of this chamber of mystery. The heat blast from the lights that radiated onto my skin felt unnatural. This thing I stood inside was called the “Total Body Enhancement” machine. The future is now.

Photo: Planet Fitness

With The Dinah creeping up, there was no level of torture I was unwilling to put myself through in the name of nice skin, tight abs, and a perky butt.

After doing some research, I discovered that “red light therapy” has little to no data to back up claims of improving skin quality and melting fat cells — which this machine supposedly does. However, even with the lack of documented support, I still spent the twelve minutes allowed inside of the “Total Body Enhancement” machine naked and gyrating on the mechanical platform while dripping in sweat.

In the off-chance that it would magically transform me into a tanner version of a young Audrey Hepburn, I convinced myself that it’s worth it.

Actress Audrey Hepburn (1929 – 1993) poses barefoot on a sailing boat on the set of the film ‘Sabrina Fair’, 1954. (Photo by Archive Photos/Getty Images)

When not standing inside of this mysterious beauty-making machine, I was inside of another machine — a tanning booth — zapping my body with harmful UV rays to darken my skin tone by a few shades. The employee at the gym led me to the entrance of the tanning room. “How many minutes would you like?” I asked her for the maximum allowable time. “Well, that’s twenty minutes… but since you are doing it for the first time, I recommend a lot less than that. You have a pretty olive complexion already, so I will put it on for eight minutes.”

“Otherwise, if it’s on for too long you might peel.”

Lying on a piece of glass completely naked, I cooked inside of what literally looked and felt like a human-sized oven. Even though she gave me less than half of the longest allowable session, I was peeling the next day. My forehead looked like it had rug burn. Dinah was only a week away. I prayed that slathering aloe vera on my face would fix this, knowing that it probably wouldn’t. In addition to the dead skin cells hanging off of my face, my frizzy hair was fried from flat-iron abuse used to transform my naturally bouncy curls into pseudo-straight locks. Smeagol from Lord of the Rings stared back at me from the mirror.

Photo via Lord of The Rings

This process of beautification was turning me into an unsightly monster. The Upside to Vanity Obsession Despite the self-torture that comes along with attempting to attain an unachievable level of super-beauty only produced by hours of photoshopping, there can be genuine health benefits to striving for perfection. Lying on the floor of my friend’s apartment during a drop-in visit I shifted my legs in the air while tightening my ab muscles during our conversation. As we took a stroll around the block, every step turned into core-strengthening, ass-tightening, lunges.

She is now used to this being my general routine when I see her. The endorphin rush gives me a boost of feel-good energy that is addicting. I fully feel myself getting closer to reaching the peak potential of my ideal physique. Nothing about my exterior screams “Dinah body” just yet — but that’s the goal. I push myself until it hurts so much that I want to stop, and then I force myself to do more.

Most of the day is spent sweating.

Although my schedule is insanely busy, I still make a personal commitment to jog every single day. Whether it’s in the gym, around the block, or in the middle of a handicap stall of a public restroom. Even if I only have five minutes. Even if my cat dies. Even if my only availability for a run is at three o’clock in the morning. My shoes hit the cement as the monologue of a self-help podcast recites affirmations into my ears about the importance of self-love. This motivates me to pound the pavement even harder. I know the person whispering sweet nothings into my ear is probably an amateur psychology student who doesn’t follow her own advice. I still let the words swim around in my head as I get closer to my last lap.

The Summer Body Diet When the exercise ends, food is both my best friend and worst enemy.

I’m excited to finally eat after burning hundreds of calories, but choosing the best food options is an exercise within itself. Everything that enters my body is deeply scrutinized down to the measurement of every single ingredient and calorie. Is this bread gluten-free? I don’t have celiac disease but a friend who does lost 50 pounds after switching. That’s enough information for me. I’m sold. Put the bread in the garbage. Is this tomato organic? I’m not sure if pesticides affect fat absorption but why risk it? How many grams of sugar are in this banana? How much saturated fat does this avocado contain? These crackers are gluten-free but they’re made out of corn and potatoes. That’s too much starch. Beans are bad, too, according to the paleo diet. I’m not technically paleo, but have decided to follow every single fad diet currently trending.

This leaves me with a very short list of food items that I can eat. Being a vegetarian, anything enticing to most about the bulk of these diets are automatically ruled out. One of the keys to success for most of these meal plans is losing weight by eating tons of meat and low amounts of carbs and sugar. Given that I don’t eat meat, I’m left with very few options.

I’m a server’s worst nightmare.

“Just give me celery and a glass of water. Extra ice, please. That will increase my metabolism, according to this forum post on WebMD Answers. Oh, and a few squeezes of lemon juice. It’s supposed to balance the alkalinity of my body — whatever that means.”

Photo: Pixabay Measuring Body Image The scale says I’ve lost about 20 pounds but that is somehow not enough. When I look in the mirror I see every single extra pound wrapped around my lower torso and hanging off of my triceps. My goal weight is technically below my healthy body-mass index (BMI) but I find a sweet spot that I obsessively desire to reach. This number will achieve being thin enough to defeat the ten extra pounds added by the camera but heavy enough to not appear malnourished in person. It crosses my mind that this can’t possibly be a healthy body image perception, but I don’t care. I just want to see how hot I can get. The quest for the ultimate beach body is a common experience by attendees everywhere in preparation for Dinah Shore Weekend. Gym-selfies flood Instagram while celesbian personal trainers enjoy the seasonal business boost. Salons have a field day as their liposuction, botox, lip injection, microneedling, and laser treatment bookings fill their calendars. Friends on Facebook announce that they are working on their “Dinah body” with their location tagged at a gym. Anxiety and panic consume women who suddenly realize they still have to go bikini shopping for the Dinah pool parties happening in less than a week.

Instagram

When asked about my diet and exercise regimen changes, I claim that I’ve improved my lifestyle “because I want to be healthy.” And by “healthy” I mean the post-photoshopped version of whoever is on the cover of Maxim Magazine right now. After internally fat-shaming myself, I hypocritically argue with a colleague that beauty is something that radiates from within — overriding exterior features. Although I mean every word I say with full sincerity, it somehow doesn’t apply to me. Everyone else is gorgeous no matter what they look like, but I’m only pretty when the scale gives me permission.

When I’m not sweating or depriving myself of basic nutrition, I’m finding other ways to torture myself in the name of “Dinah body.” A lady at a small salon painfully rips pubic hair from my body with hot melted wax so that I will have “pornstar pussy”. After she’s done, she puts a hand mirror between my legs so that I can see what I just put her through. I leave her a large tip out of guilt.

At home Nair cream burns my upper lip with the same chemical used in drain cleaner because society has taught me that my natural face fuzz is unsightly. This happens while uncomfortable panties ride up my ass crack so that I won’t have panty lines under my tight dress. Walking on mini-stilts, my feet look sexy in these heels. My toes start to go numb — but I’m used to this.

Resin lash extensions are glued to my eyelids to make my eyelashes look a few centimeters longer. I get glue in my eye. It burns. I take the pain and finish the task of applying prosthetic pieces of hair to my face in one spot after obliterating it in another. Once the glue dries, I clip fake sections of hair to my head while damaging my natural roots in hopes that long princess-hair goals are met. The hairspray makes me sneeze but if I don’t evenly apply it to the ends my natural curls might come back.

The fumes from the bottle of acetone make my eyes water. I grab a tissue and soak up the tears so that my false lashes don’t fall off. The highly potent solvent is rubbed onto my nails before applying coats of paint to match the current season. I endure the pain from metal allergies caused by the jewelry I shouldn’t be wearing because “I love these earrings.” Being stabbed in the ribs by push-up bra underwires is just another Saturday before a night out. The caption for my obligatory selfie: “I woke up like this.” “…lol.”

Tips for Truly Experiencing A Positive Body Image According to a study published in the Qualitative Health Research medical journal, not only are lesbians’ body image affected by social pressures of how beauty is commonly depicted, they are additionally influenced by lesbian subculture standards for beauty. In other words, lesbians are doubly impacted by perceptions of what makes them attractive.

Not only are lesbians’ body image affected by social pressures of how beauty is commonly depicted, they are additionally influenced by lesbian subculture standards for beauty.
One of the participants in the study is noted as saying, “Someday I hope I can look at my body and say it looks good based upon my own definition. Why can’t I be content? Why do I worry so much about what I am supposed to look like? Why is it such a struggle?”

Planned Parenthood has a page on their website dedicated to educating website visitors about the topic of body image. They explicitly state in their first paragraph:

“It is common to struggle with body image, no matter who you are.” These are the tips listed for overcoming body image issues:

  • Remember that health and appearance are two different things.
  • Accept and value your genes – you probably inherited a lot of traits from your family members, so love those traits as you love your family.
  • Keep a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance.
  • Surround yourself with people who are supportive and who make you feel good about yourself.
  • Treat your body with respect and kindness.
So, what’s a healthy way to perceive ourselves physically?

“Having a positive body image means that, most of the time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your body, and you feel good about the way you look.”

“Having a positive body image means that, most of the time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your body, and you feel good about the way you look.”
Results of the Summer Body Transformation Let’s re-evaluate what we think about when someone says “Dinah Body.”

Getty

In the beginning of this article, fit celebrities and toned bikini babes came to mind when thinking about what it means to have this physique. With these standards in mind, I started my transformation by torturing myself with radiation boxes and pounding pavement until passing out. During this adventure, my self-awareness experiences a serious boost. After pushing myself to achieve a higher level of fitness, I don’t regret this experience. It has put me on a path to greater health and taught me a lot about myself. However, obsessing over every lost inch isn’t going to make the process of reaching my goals any faster. Attaining a healthy body image is a complex personal journey that we ultimately discover through self-reflection. I’m still honest about my ugly, but now I also embrace the truth in my beauty. My goal in seeing “how hot I can get” still stands, but I don’t plan to increase my chances of developing skin cancer by standing in the beauty-box this week before I head to Dinah. I’m still working towards reaching my physical peak, but I no longer need the weight scale to tell me I’m beautiful.

Attaining a healthy body image is a complex personal journey that we ultimately discover through self-reflection.
There are still frizzy days, but my natural curls now adorn my head, untamed. The flat iron is in storage. The clothing I choose has become more about how much the style of the outfit compliments my self-expression and less about how skinny it makes me look. Today I ate lunch without checking the ingredients or caloric amount and covered it in brown sugar BBQ sauce served on a regular wheat-flour bun. Concerning exercise, the most physical activity I have engaged in this weekend was twerking at a night club for about 15 seconds without stopping — as a joke.

Although a specific visual may come to mind when someone states that they are working on their “Dinah body,” the pressure to meet this Hollywood standard of beauty will never override the true purpose of this summer festival; Community. No matter what the scale tells me during Dinah Shore Weekend, I will be celebrating the lesbian paradise that we, as a community, have created together.

No matter what the scale tells me during Dinah Shore Weekend, I will be celebrating the lesbian paradise that we, as a community, have created together.
Fat cells, frizzy hair, and all — I already have the perfect Dinah body.

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