25 Signs That You Just Might Be a Butch

In case you’ve ever questioned it, here are 25 signs you might be a butch.

You own more than five baseball hats.

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You get a huge amount of satisfaction from holding the door open for just about anyone. Or offering them your umbrella. (Or jump-starting their car. You get the idea.)

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You keep your wallet in your back pants pocket.

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People ask you to fix things.

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You can actually fix things.

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You are way too obsessed with your extremely short hair.

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Women’s sizes completely flummox you. (Also, what’s the difference between a “shirt” and a “blouse?” You certainly don’t know.)

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You bristle a little when people describe Ellen as “butch.”

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You call your male friends “dude.”

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Your straight female friends flirt with you. 

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You turn around in the grocery store when someone asks, “Can I help you, sir?”

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You own three or more fleece vests.

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You are saving up for a suit from Saint Harridan or Kipper Clothiers.

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People have assumed that you “must” identify as trans and/or genderqueer (whether or not you actually do). 

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Your “regular” bra is a sports bra.

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You’ve been the only woman in your entire section at a concert (e.g., Tool; Rage Against the Machine).

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You go by a nickname less “girly” than the name on your birth certificate.

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You hesitate when ordering a mixed drink to make sure your drink isn’t “girlier” than your date’s drink.

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Your favorite comedians include Julie Goldman, Tig Notaro, Kelli Dunham, Sabrina Matthews, Hannah Gadsby, DeAnne Smith, Rhea Butcher, and/or Cameron Esposito.

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No makeup. Ever. Unless it’s guyliner, and even then you feel a little weird about it.

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Guys pass you from the back and say, “S’cuse me, dude.”

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Figuring out what to wear to a job interview has, at some point in your life, been the bane of your existence.

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You can open any bottle or can using an item currently attached to your keychain.

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When you’re walking down the sidewalk with a woman, you stand on the outside, closest to the street. Obviously. 

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You know that no 25-item list can tell you whether you’re “butch.” You just are.

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