Lindsay Lohan experiences some career pains

What, pray tell, has happened to Lindsay Lohan’s career? Now we all know what has happened to Lindsay Lohan’s life. Partying. Crashes. Arrests. Rehab. Lesbianism. Leggings. Etc. But the news that her new movie Labor Pains is going direct to television makes me seriously worry about La Lohan’s career trajectory.

Her faux pregnancy comedy Labor Pains (which also stars SNL’s Chris Parnell and Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s Cheryl Hines) will debut on ABC Family in July. Wow, from the cinema to the channel that proudly premiered such never-heard-of-them sequels as The Sandlot: Heading Home and Au Pair 3: Adventure in Paradise. Here is a preview:

Now, of course, one direct-to-cable movie debacle does not automatically spell Tara Reid-levels of cinematic irrelevance. But then I watched Lindsay’s new ad campaign for the Italian clothing line Fornarina. Seriously, you’re going to want to sit down.

Words, there are no words — unless, of course, those words are “Splash! Smash! Crash!”

Look, we know Lindsay can act. Please witness Mean Girls, A Prairie Home Companion and The Parent Trap. Fine, so I was digging deep on that last one. But lately, she has made considerably more headlines than box office, as she has acknowledged herself. And while she can still be seen in photoshoot after photoshoot, I’d prefer to see her on the big screen.

So, what do you make of Lindsay’s recent career troubles? And what should LiLo do so she never again has recite dialogue like “Glam! Pink! Heart!” Discuss.

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