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“Marry Me” recap (1.11): F Me

Kay has a girlfriend! Kay has a girlfriend! It looks like that in another case of “the lady doth protest too much,” our self-described player may be a one-woman kind of woman after all. Who knew?

Let me start from the beginning.

The Kevins are over for a brunch Annie promised but never delivers and they have some bad news. It seems that some of the invited guests are adding plus ones and plus twos to their RSVPs to Annie and Jake’s wedding.. The RSVPs have all been calculated and the guest list is now just one person under the venue’s maximum occupancy. But it’s OK! After all, Gil, Kay and Dennah are all still single. Annie and Jake will just have to let their friends know that only one of them can bring a date. When Annie and Jake hesitate, the Kevins volunteer to break the news to them.

The Kevins meet with the group of friends to decide which of the three will be able to bring a date to Annie and Jake’s wedding. Kay opts out right away. She doesn’t mind going stag to the wedding because then she can hit on all the single women.

“I’m a player and my instrument is the vagina,” Kays says.

Gil replies, “Kay-Nasty!”

“Yes, I am! I am nasty,” confirms Kay. She begins to dance in her seat. “You better know it! You better know it. You don’t even know what I do. You don’t even know!”

However, Gil and Dennah refuse to give up their plus one so easily. Dennah insists that she must bring a date to Annie and Jake’s wedding because there is nothing more sad and pathetic than to go to your best friend’s wedding alone. Gil insists that if anyone is pathetic, it is he. He’s divorced! If he shows up to the wedding alone, everyone will know that he is a loser. In order to fairly decide who is allowed to bring a date, the Kevins are hosting a wedding date duel at their apartment the next day. Dennah and Gil have 24 hours to rustle up a prospective wedding date, which the Kevins will quiz to discover which of them is wedding worthy.

Meanwhile, Annie and Jake have another problem on their hands. Last night, they arrived home after a drunken night at the ballet and discovered a flyer for a building art show. They added an “F” to the flyer to make the word “fart.” A building fart show! Hahahaha. Those pranksters! Unfortunately, some folks aren’t laughing. Namely, George in 8A who is organizing the art show and Julie (played by the hilarious Jessica St. Clair) who considers the prank a hate crime due to George’s affliction with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. She’s calling an emergency meeting to discuss the crime.

Annie and Jake attend the meeting with the intention of confessing to defacing the flyer. They’re sure that no one really cares about the “F-word” that Julie is so riled up about. Yet, when they attend the meeting they learn that the whole building is enraged over the incident. The perpetrator, once found out, will be given a strike. Tenants with three strikes are evicted from the building and Annie and Jake already have two strikes. They’ll be no confession now. Annie and Jake sneak out of the meeting.

Hours later, Dennha is at yoga class. Her go to date is none other than her creepy yoga instructor, who has been offering her “private lessons” for some time now. He’s excited about the prospect of going to the wedding with Dennah since, in his mind, they’ve been dating for three months already. Gil asks every woman he knows but hasn’t been able to score a date. Even asking complete strangers who answer his fake “futon for sale” Craiglist ad didn’t work. He has no choice but to ask his ex-wife Cassie. Surprisingly, she takes pity on him and not only agrees to go to the wedding, but also to attend the “Wedding Date Duel Down” that the Kevins are hosting to compete for a spot on the guest list.

Finally, the day of the duel arrives. Each couple is asked questions to prove their worthiness. Kevin #1 chooses Gil and Cassie, but Kevin #2 picks Dennah and her yoga instructor. It looks like Kay will have to be the tiebreaker!

“What do I know about relationships?” Kay asks.

But Dennah and Gil are too busy trying to butter her up so that she will vote for them. She bolts from the apartment but that doesn’t stop Dennah and Gil. They each show up at her place later with candy to win her over. While outside her apartment door, Gil and Dennah hear Kay giggling with another woman. Looks like Kay is doing what she does best: playing the vagina in a pleasure symphony. But is that all it is? Gil and Dennah hide when Kay opens the door and when a beautiful woman (Ana Ortiz) walks out with Kay they witness the sweetest, cheesiest goodbye ever.

Kay says, “Oh! Don’t go! I hate it when you leave.”

The mystery lady responds, “Oh, I know Kay-Bae. But I won’t be late. And I’ll bring you back some pot stickers from the restaurant.”

“Oh, yummy! Oh, and can you bring some toilet paper back? We’re almost out.”

They kiss and then, as the mystery lady leaves, Kay throw kisses for her to catch.

When Kay’s guest finally leaves, Dennah and Gil jump out from around the corner.

“You’ve got a girlfriend!” they accuse.

Back in Kay’s apartment, Dennah and Gil sing, “Kay’s got a girlfriend! Kay’s got a girlfriend!”

Kay tries to convince Dennah and Gil that she isn’t in a relationship. The conversation basically goes like this:

“Me? In a relationship? What?”

“Me? A girlfriend?”

“But I’m a player! I hit it and quit it. I…”

“OK. It’s been two months. I’m not dating anyone else. She spends the night here every night and when she asked for a drawer, I gave her a dresser. I’m in deep.”

Dennah asks her why she doesn’t want to bring her to Annie and Jake’s wedding. Kay admits that she’s scared to make it official. She doesn’t want to ruin anything. This is the healthiest relationship she’s ever had.

But Dennah insists that she take the plus one. She’ll just tell everyone that her boyfriend died and everyone will feel sorry for her!

Meanwhile at the “carefrontation” Julie organizes, she tells Annie and Jake that she knows they are the ones that defaced the flyer. So, Annie and Jake attempt to throw her off their scent by writing ” lushes” on their own door so that they appear to be the next victim of the vandal. They pretend that, as alcoholics, they are deeply offended by the slur. It works. The neighbors rally around them and even Julie moves on to her next suspect: Atlas. Atlas is a pretentious hipster everyone in the building seems to hate and yet, Annie feels it is wrong to let him get evicted for something that they did. When the co-op board meets to discuss the matter, Annie and Jack burst in and confess.

But it turns out that their confession is unwanted. Annoyed by his old-timey bike cluttering the lobby, his composting, his gluten-free muffins and his ferret, the board has been trying to get rid of Atlas for months. Now they finally have their chance and they are going to take it. Annie and Jake leave the meeting defeated. When they run into Atlas in the hall they are quick to tell him that they are on his side. Yet, when Jake puts his hand on Atlas’ shoulder in solidarity, Atlas snobily asks Jake to remove his hand lest his oily fingers ruin his suede frock-coat. Annie and Jake decide that he deserves what he gets.

Later, Annie and Jake are volunteering as docents at the building art show. They’ve decided that since they plan to live in the building for a long time, they might as well get involved. And also, Julie is blackmailing them. Dennah and Gil arrive and announce that they no longer need a plus one to the wedding. Which means….

Surprise!

Kay comes rushing in hand and hand with her lady and announces, “Hey everyone! I’d like to introduce you to….my girlfriend, Hailey!

Everyone screams and jumps up and down. Annie insists that she and Hailey immediate become friends. Dennah wants to know where she is from. Jake wants to know her go-to karaoke song. Gil wants to know what her favorites flower is. Even the Kevins are excited. “Is it azaleas? Say it’s azaleas!”

Haley complies, “It’s azaleas.”

The whole group lets out a cheer. Kay has a girlfriend….and a date to Annie and Jake’s wedding.

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