Dr. Laura takes a pie in the face


The other day, as I was pondering how to commemorate fallen American heroes,
I thought to myself, "Well…I could take a pie in the face at the
circus to honor them." Unfortunately, just as I picked up the phone to
call Ringling Bros.,
I learned that Dr. Laura Schlessinger had beaten me to the

Circus Vargas,
a Big Top circus in Southern California, has planned a special event on September
11 at the Laguna Hills Mall to honor the aforementioned heroes. They’ve booked
conservative radio personality Dr. Laura Schlessinger as a special guest performer.
And, not only will she perform in the show, she’ll take a
pie in the face from an audience member
at intermission.

Bidding for the event begins at $1,000 with the pie honors going to the top
bidder. Impressively, Circus Vargas will be donating 100% of ticket sales and
all proceeds from the Dr. Laura pie-in-the-face-bidding to the Injured
Marine Semper Fi fund
. (Given that the federal government does not adequately
care for injured marines and their families, it’s good that the circus is doing
its part to help.)

As odd that the event seems, I guess there is a certain internal logic. Sort
of. Dr. Laura’s son is a paratrooper stationed in Afghanistan, so it makes sense
that she would be particularly invested in an armed forces-related fundraiser.
(Unfortunately, her son was also investigated this spring for allegedly posting
violent and racist content on his MySpace
. And it’s probably not too difficult to find people who would enjoy
hitting her in the face – and might even settle for doing so with a pie.

Perhaps the high bidder will be a member of the GLBT community – or a
"biological error"
as she has charmingly called us in the past. Regardless, I’m sure a good time
will be had by all.

And, if for some reason Dr. Laura has to cancel, they can just replace her
with Judith Light and nobody will know the difference.

I swear they were separated at birth. But Judith Light is very pro-gay, so
don’t actually hit her with a pie.

If you’ll be in the Laguna Hills area on September 11 and would like to catch
the festivities, click here
for ticket information. (If you’re a firefighter, police office or member of
the military, you can get in free.)

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