If anything, this week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy will make you want to get a flu shot and stock up on the Purell. There is an infectious virus all over the hospital, and Arizona gets a whole face full of it from a young patient. She immediately informs Alex that she’s going to be sick in less than 24 hours. He scoffs but she lets him know that in addition to having dimples that won’t quit, her superpower is predicting when she is going to be sick.
Meanwhile, she keeps unintentionally wiping her fluey germs all over the hospital. Alex asks her about the guesting peds doctor who specializes in anal surgeries. Alex, being about as mature as a third grader, refers to him as Dr. Butthole. Admit it though, you totally laughed. Arizona’s germs make their way into the elevator, where Jackson and April spread it all over each other while making out. When April exits the elevator, she walks right into a meeting that Owen has called to warn everyone about the virus.
Someone who definitely does not need exposure to the virus is little adorable Brayden. Brayden has severe combined immunodeficiency syndrome, which is basically Bubble Boy disease. His parents suspect that he’s coming down with something, but Brayden is way more focused on picking at a zip on his forehead. April takes care of the boy and his family and suggests that perhaps bringing someone with no immune system to a hospital during a flu outbreak, might not have been a great idea.
Richard, now in his new role as Boss of All Residents (or something technical like that) is handing out orders, but half his staff is out with the virus. Leah is fading fast too, but Richard tells them all to suck it up and push through. Jo and Stephanie decide to have a bet to see who will pass out first from the flu. The loser has to be swap shifts with the winners if they so decide. Leah, who looks like absolute shit already, vows to stick it out. Not only is this flu respiratory, it also affects the stomach. Things are about to get very ugly at Grey Sloan Memorial.
Jo bounces over to her ER patient, who appears to have an unwavering smile. How refreshing! Wait, never mind. The guy has lockjaw because he got tetanus from a rusty gash. The patient’s brother is there too, and totally annoyed. His lock jawed brother is a heath nut and wants to keep his body pure. Lockjaw refuses a shot to help relieve the tetanus, exclaiming through clenched teeth that it’s poison.
Cristina and Shane have a teenage patient named Ivy who is about to receive a donor heart, and she and her mom are thrilled. Cristina notes that the rest of the family is absent. Ivy’s mom says that the flu has struck the family so they stayed at home. Cristina is kind of put out because today is the final day for the first phase of the conduit program. The numbers have to be perfect in order to move on to the next stage. She orders Shane to stay and protect the wee babies and make sure none of them are exposed to this virus.
Little Brayden is now suffering from a massive bump where his zit once was. Remind me to never pick a zit ever again. April rushes everyone out of his room and has him placed in isolation. The enzyme treatment that was allowing Brayden to have somewhat of a normal life is no longer working. His parents are devastated.
Derek’s hair is pacing about and practicing an important speech. His audience is baby Bailey, who frankly, is far more responsive than most coffeehouse crowds I’ve played too. Meredith comes in and tells Derek to stop boring the baby. Derek tries to practice on her, but she has already heard it a million times so she takes the pass.
Arizona, Callie and Alex are hanging out by the nurses’ station, and Arizona is walking Callie through her adjusted flu schedule. Alex notes that she’s not even sick yet, but Callie knows that her wife sicks sense (see what I did there) is keenly accurate. Alex loudly asks when the hell Dr. Butthole will be arriving, and huzzah, he’s already there and in earshot. Dr. Lebackes is a good sport however, and rattles off a list of his other unfortunate nicknames.
April is outside of Brayden’s room when Bailey stops by. Brayden has been a patient of Bailey’s in the past, so she was concerned when she saw his name on the charts. Jackson, who had been inspecting Brayden’s head bump, stumbles out. He’s most definitely sick, and has to lean on a counter to rest. Bailey sends him far away from the child with no immune system.
Meredith and Richard are consulting a patient before his bowel surgery, and Leah is literally asleep on her feet. Meredith kindly steps on her foot to wake her. All this talk of bowels and poop is making Leah even woozier.
When Meredith and Leah leave the room, they run into Derek, who is not looking so hot. When Meredith says so, he snaps back that he doesn’t get sick and orders a plaugey Leah out of his sights. Down the hall comes Dr. Gerhardt Strauss, a real international neuroscience rockstar. Derek so badly wants to impress him, but Dr. Strauss is a bit of a negative Nancy. Derek appears flummoxed, which is not an expression that looks good on him.
Just like in the film, The Crazies, Shane is taking everyone’s temperature before they approach the conduit ward. Anyone with a fever is not allowed in.
Lockjaw guy is really struggling with muscle cramps, a very unfortunate side effect of tetanus. Jo yells at him that without medication he could die. Right after he calls Jo a fear monger, he has a severe cramp. She grabs him, trying to help, but just then his arm breaks from the extreme cramping. It is disgusting.
In Dr. Oliver “Butthole” Lebackes operating room, there is music and dancing. Yes, he loves to get down to some 90’s jams while performing surgery. Arizona loves it. Alex, not so much. The head nurse finds out about Shane’s little isolation ward stunt and puts the kibosh on it. Shane tries to throw his weight around, but the nurse isn’t having it. He tells Shane he can have one room, but he can’t lock down an entire floor.
Jo calls Callie in to help with Lockjaw guy, now that he requires ortho surgery. Jo is upset because she thinks she is the one who broke his arm. Callie chuckles, and says that nope, not so much. Does she want to officially break some bones though, Callie asks hopefully.
April and Bailey take over for Jackson in attending to Brayden’s puffy tumor. They talk marriage and men. April wants to help her sick husband, but he is stubborn. Bailey reveals that there are two kinds of sick men: the kind like Jackson who go and crawl under a rock, stoic and stubborn, and men like Ben, who turn into totally babies. Bailey tells her to count her blessings that Jackson is the former. Talk turns serious though when they see that Brayden’s brain fluid is leaking into the tumor. Time to call in Derek.
Derek meanwhile, is still practicing his speech and getting queasier by the minute. The camera man setting up ad eating onion rings isn’t helping. A nurse comes in to tell him that Dr. Bailey needs him, and notes that Derek looks sick. He yells back that he doesn’t get sick!
The rest of heart transplant patient Ivy’s family shows up at the ER. Her sister is coughing up blood now. It turns out, both siblings have cardiomyopathy. Cristina comes out to update the family about Ivy’s surgery and find out this bit of terrible news. The other daughter will now require a pacemaker and an eventual transplant. The family agrees to a family history to see why both siblings would have this very serious heart condition. Cristina suspects it’s viral, and comments to Owen how weird the whole situation is.
Shane, feeling a little run down, asks Stephanie to take over for him with the conduit babies. She says no, but he sweetens the deal by offering to work her weekend calls. Score.
Jo, still feeling a bit ragey, confronts Alex about the piles of unpaid student loan bills she found at his house. He blows her off, and Callie tells her to focus that rage into surgery.
Arizona and Alex watch Dr. Lebackes chat with their patient post-op. He’s all smiles and jokes, which of course makes Alex dislike him. The guy is good looking, rich and relaxed. Yeah, what a total dick, right?
Derek rushes into Bailey’s OR, but she send him and his germs packing until he can be sure he won’t pass any infection onto Brayden. He comes back looking like a spaceman.
In Meredith and Richard’s bowel surgery, Leah is holding tight. Sure she has an IV pumping fluids into her dehydrated body, but she’s a champ. Richard is proud of her resolve.
Callie and Jo are in surgery together and Callie instructs Jo as to how to break Lockjaw guy’s bones. Jo takes a whack, but it’s pathetic and Callie laughs at the attempt. Jo admits that it feels wrong to be hurting someone. She has put three of her boyfriends in the hospital. Whoa, this is news. Apparently, Jo is actually Bruce Banner, hulking out left and right. Callie gets her to focus that rage, and when Jo finally lets go, she breaks the bone like a superstar. Callie is impressed (and possibly slightly turned on) and laughs maniacally at her potential protégée.
Derek is fading fast during Brayden’s surgery, so he moves aside to let April take over and instruct from the sidelines.
Dr. Lebackes has invited Alex back to his private practice for some video game golf, post butt surgery. Alex looks around at the swanky practice and can’t help but wonder about life outside of the hospital. Oliver Lebackes thinks Alex is a boy wonder and asks if he’s be interested in joining his practice. Student loans, goodbye. Plus, Alex would be able to take time and do outreach to patients all over the world. Oliver hands Alex an engraved pen, and asks him to consider it.
In Meredith and Richard’s OR, it’s all puss this and puss that. Richard tells the story of the time he operated with a wicked case of salmonella. “Physicians don’t succumb to illness,” he says. When he asks Leah a questions, she is silent. Meredith figures out that it’s because she’s puked in her mouth. Bingo. Leah is finally sent home. “Lightweight,” Richard mumbles.
Cristina is still perplexed about Ivy and her sister’s matching heart ailments. There is nothing in the family history, so Cristina zeroes in on a viral cause.
Stephanie is holding down the fort with the conduit babies, who unfortunately keep peeing on her. Babies are so rude. She gets asked to assist on a surgery, but she’s got her hands full of diapers. Where is Shane?
Callie and Jo report back to Lockjaw guy’s brother, who finds it hilarious that his body obsessed brother is now full of titanium. He does feel a little bad though, and asks if the titanium is locally sourced. After they leave his room, Callie notes that Jo has that “ortho glow”. Callie talks about how ortho has saved her a few times, giving her an excellent channel for her rage and frustration. Jo declares that she feels so epic that she may never be angry again! Callie reminds her that her boyfriend is Alex Karev, so there will be plenty of opportunities to be pissed off in the future.
Arizona is still not sick and worried that she might be losing her touch. Alex catches up with her, still hot and bothered from his meeting with Oliver. He rudely asks how much Arizona makes and she calls him a classless hobo and tells him to get back to work. Oh Arizona Robbins, you are a gem.
It’s finally time or Derek to deliver his speech, but he is sick as a dog. He staggers out of the bathroom, and Meredith tries to convince him to postpone the speech. He refuses and promptly collapses. When Derek wakes up, he’s in a hospital bed with an IV and a puke bucket.
Stephanie finds Shane, sleeping peacefully and not sick at all. She yells at him for sticking her with a bunch of pee obsessed infants, all the while suffering from an imaginary illness. He promises to take her crap shifts for the next two months to make up for it.
Callie Torres is positively buzzing. She stands next to the bathroom door, mooning over the connection she and Jo have. “She gets me,” Callie swoons like a lovesick puppy. She may have just found her ortho soul mate. Callie calls to Arizona, who is sitting on the bathroom floor, finally sick and thrilled about it. She hasn’t lost her superpower. She might be vomiting and dehydrated, but her wife is happy and life is good. I love love.
Poor little Brayden wakes up from surgery in a strange room covered with plastic. He overhears April explaining that he may need to live in medical isolation for the rest of his life. He calls out to his parents who can no longer hold their little boy.
April finally goes home after this long and draining day. She hears Jackson ralphing in the bathroom. She attempts to open the door, but remembers what Bailey said. She leaves Jackson to deal on his own, just as he wants.
Jo and Alex are sitting at the kitchen table, while Jo tries to reason with him about his student loans. She’s got out her calculator and his checkbook, and swears that there are easy fixes to all of this. Alex eyes the pen from Oliver and declares he knows of an easier fix.
Derek is still pouting in his hospital room when Meredith comes to check on him. He’s upset that he missed his chance to impress all the European doctors with his inspiring speech. Meredith tells him not to worry, that they are totally sold on his ideas. Why? How? Because Meredith gave the speech in his place. She even has video. These two, are beyond cute right now.
Richard walks down the hall, feeling awesome about life when he gets the dreaded tummy rumble. When it happens again, he knows he’s in trouble. Clench and run, Richard! Clench and run,
Cristina meets with Ivy’s parents to explain her sister’s treatment. They have ruled out viral as the cause. Suddenly, the girls’ little brother starts hacking up blood. Now all three have the same heart condition. Everyone is completely perplexed, including Cristina. Looks like Dr. Yang has a mystery to solve.
A huge thank you to my screencapper Chen Drachman who you should totally follow on Twitter (@shokoshik) and Tumblr. Here are some of our favorite #GreysGays tweets from this week’s episode. — willy92 (@willy92) April 4, 2014
Derek looks like he’s about to go examine ET #greysgays #GreysAnatomy
— Catherine (@CMeushaw) April 4, 2014
If you’re the best butt-doctor in the biz, wouldn’t you want to help more than one butt in a day? Isn’t it your duty? #waitwhat #greysgays
— Valerie Anne (@PunkyStarshine) April 4, 2014
Why *wouldn’t* Karev leave? Grey-Sloan was built on a hellmouth, and there is no Buffy to save them all. #greysgays #GreysAnatomy
— Jennifer (@JenKasper81) April 4, 2014
I’m liking this Callie and Jo’s girl-bromance. Writers, make it a thing. Ortho-glow looks good on Jo. #GreysAnatomy #greysgays #AskGreys
— oluwa-is-involved (@olubela) April 4, 2014
I want a spinoff with @SaraRamirez and @camilluddington teaming up as badass ortho surgeons together. #GreysGays
— Kelsey (@KelseyHudson) April 4, 2014
I would work in Dr. Butts’ office just to steal a case of pens. #GreysGays
— Lady Liberty (@CindyLMarshall) April 4, 2014
Strangely, what I’m taking from this ep is that Willow & Callie should team up in the AE Hunger Games. One flays, then one drills #GreysGays
— Tippi McCullers (@ali_steventon) April 4, 2014
