Guide to becoming an LPGA housewife

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I love the U.S. Women’s Open golf championship, even more than I love the Kraft Nabisco Championship (the golf tournament part of the Dinah Shore weekend). I can actually focus on the golf, and not be so distracted by the parties.

Annika Sorenstam, who currently has 69 tournament wins, is the defending champion.

For years, I joked that I wanted to become an LPGA housewife. It seemed exciting. Your girlfriend marches around the golf course, kicking butt, and you get to be by her side. But, as Rosie Jones’ girlfriend reveals, it’s not all fun and games.

Plus, the women that I know who have LPGA player girlfriends are usually at home bored while their girlfriends are gone for months at a time, out on tour. Or they’re stuck out on the course, carrying a 45-plus-pound golf bag, making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches between breaks.

When I went to a party with some LPGA players, a few of them racked their brains to find me an LPGA-player girlfriend. They called one of the players — they thought we would make a great match — and had me leave her a message. I did: “Hi, this is Kaki. I’m the love of your life, according to your friends.” Surprisingly, she didn’t call me back, and I was so nervous, I forgot to get her name. They don’t call me Rico Suave for nothing.

Wait, was I talking about golf?

The U.S. Open has 156 players and a $3.1 million dollar purse, the largest purse of any event on tour.

Here are some of the top players on tour right now. Let’s start with Lorena Ochoa, a golfer from Mexico who has won three tournaments this year:

This is Paula Creamer, who is known for her love of the color pink, and who has had seven top 10 finishes this year and one win:

Here’s Suzann Pettersen, the Norwegian who just won the McDonald’s LPGA Championship a few weeks ago:

And let’s not forget the only out lesbian golfer currently playing on tour: two-time (2000 and 2001) U.S. Open and Nabisco Champion Karrie Webb:

Other out golfers who have won the U.S. Women’s Open include Babe Didrikson Zaharias (1948, 1950, 1954), Hollis Stacy (1977, 1978, 1984) and Patty Sheehan (1992, 1994).

The U.S. Women’s Open coverage starts Wednesday and ends Sunday (on ESPN, ESPN2 and NBC — visit the official website for details). Check the pairings for your favorite player’s schedule. As always, I recommend a bracket for fun. Do you have any creative suggestions for bracket categories? Who do you think will win the whole thing?

If you’d rather just look at more pretty pictures, the Golf Digest website offers a gallery of the top 30 LPGA players.

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