Greetings dear Binxians. Since Bianca has been in DC taking care of business (and not on the show for the last couple of weeks) we have taken a brief break in our All My Children recaps.
All My Children and One Life to Live have been experiencing some growing pains regarding programming, which is to be expected in such a new format. It was announced this week, that starting July 1st, both new episodes of All My Children will air on Mondays. In even an even bigger announcement, the OWN Network has picked up the first forty episodes of AMC for a limited run. This is fantastic news for the show, and will likely attract previous fans of the show that were not connecting with its online format. On a sad note for me, they have also decided to bleep out the swearing. Never again will we hear Bianca tell JR that he’s full of shit And is he ever. Ah well.
A lot has been happening in Pine Valley lately, but here are few of the highlights. Ready? Ok go!
Cassandra was rescued from the traffickers, who in addition to brutalizing her got her hooked on heroin. She’s struggling to recover and come down off the drugs in the hospital, but she has her mom and Jesse by her side. Jesse, who staged Uri’s murder in order to secure Cassandra’s release, is trying to cover up his involvement. Zach is being framed, but at least FBI agent Lea seems to be warming to him. Zach wore a Detroit Red Wings shirt, so as long as he stays away from lesbian lips, we are cool. Brooke convinced Dimitri Marick to come back to Pine Valley and help her run her media empire. Colby has been playing musical millionaires with Pete and David. Opal is selling Cortlandt Manor, and moving into a condo next door to Pete. Scrabble party! “Boundaries” is not a word in her vocabulary. Celia continues to have visions of that creepy guy in the corners of rooms, and probably under the bed. Thankfully her sister Megan Draper was not killed off of Mad Men. JR is still clutching that bag of steroids, and he and Cara are getting closer.
Miranda finds out that by refusing the advances of the most popular douche at Pine Valley High, she has essentially become a pariah. Luckily she has made a new friend in Heather, a student at Bramwell Hall. Heather (who is growing on me) thinks AJ is the bee’s knees but she doesn’t want to disrespect Miranda if she is into him. Turns out that Heather and AJ have a lot in common and Miranda is doing her best to keep her jealousy at bay. Someone sends Miranda a doctored photo of her and Heather “together” if you know what I mean. Miranda is devastated and knows it’s Hunter and his minions, but doesn’t want AJ to find out and fly off the handle. She has the unfortunate luck of getting a detention where she is forced to occupy the same space as Hunter Bonehead III and his equally unpleasant friends. They start circulating the doctored picture, now in GIF form, around the room.
Once the teacher leaves, Hunter pops up and does his best artistic interpretation of Miranda and Heather being leztastic. He’s a regular Picasso. Just look at the lighting and composition on that thing.
The dumbass next to Miranda asks her about her “dive in the lady pond,” which I must admit is a new phrase to me. Miranda is horrified and runs out of the room. At first I thought the way AMC was handling Miranda’s bullying is a little heavy handed, but in an age of anonymity and accessibility I am starting to think they are right on. One would hope that kids are a little more accepting of classmates with gay parents nowadays, but then again, being different is seen a weakness. Binx, Miranda needs you. Hurry home.
“All My Children” recap (June 24-28): The Lady Pond