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“R&B Divas” (2.8): Joy and Foolishness

Watching this week’s season finale of R&B Divas felt sort of like watching The Lion King. One moment it’s all Hakuna Matata! You’re singing with your friends and loving life! And then you realize Scar has killed your dad and everything is horrible! Except Scar is in the form of Nicci Gilbert!

Let’s start with the Hakuna Matata stuff, which is alllll Monifah and Terez. We start off the episode in Monifah’s living room with Terez, who’s finally down from New York. But only we know that she brought a ring with her this time, what whaaaat. Terez suggests taking a day trip while she’s visiting, mayhaps to her hometown of Chattanooga. Mo is thrilled.

When they arrive in the Volunteer State, Terez takes her to one of her favorite places, the Tennessee Aquarium. As Mo tells the camera, Terez is “super excited about aquatic life.” Which is an amazing sentence that you don’t hear a diva say every day. But aquatic life IS pretty sweet.

They walk around, checking out the dope fishes, until they stop at one of the exhibits and Monifah demands a definitive answer over whether Terez will move to Atlanta or not. If they had a home in ATL, Mo says, Terez could have, like, a full wall aquarium. “I would do that for you.” Such a sweet talker! But Terez says her final answer is no: she will absolutely not move to Atlanta. Monifah jerks her head back in astonishment; it cuts to commercial; I shake my head.

But those tricky, tricky editors were just psyching us out, y’all! When we return, we hear the rest of Terez’s statement. She won’t come to Atlanta…as Mo’s woman. She pulls the box out of her pocket. “So that means…let’s do it.” She won’t come to Atlanta as Monifah’s woman-she wants to come there as her wife. Monifah does what any of us would do in this situation, and begins to bawl. Terez cradles her in her arms gently for a while until Mo can breathe enough to speak. When she does, she says, “Absolutely. Babe. Aw, babe.” Aw, babe!

The ring, by the way, is huge and blinging, a purple stone wrapped up in silver, a perfect capturing of Monifah’s heart. She continues to stutter and cry, muttering “I love you so much” a few times in Terez’s hair. And when I think about it, I don’t know if I’ve ever watched any other live lesbian proposals on TV. But even if there had been others, this would still be my favorite one.

Monifah describes it all to the camera: “Every moment leads you to one moment. And at that point, that was that moment. I felt everything that ever happened in my life. And I’m like…I’m here now.” There is something wonderful, deep about this statement. It’s the way you should feel at that moment. She can’t help her happiness from spilling over, repeating to Terez, “I can’t believe my life right now.”

If we’re all done wiping our eyes, there is one more positive thing that happened in this episode that we can celebrate, before everything goes to hell. Syleena has a listening party for her new album with Musiq Soulchild. All the divas are there except for Nicci, and when Syleena plays a reggae track called “Feel the Fire,” the house starts grooving. Yay for music and supporting each other! You know, the things this show was supposed to be about!

Afterwards, though, as all the divas sit down for a drink, Angie Stone brings up her fight with Nicci from last episode, and brings up the concerns she had about this charity show. Even Nicci’s closest boos, Mo and Keke, start to feel a little concerned. So the next day, Monifah invites Keke, Michael, and Nicci over to her apartment, just to get the details clarified from Nicci herself. And hoo boy, from the moment Nicci walks in, it is a pure shit show.

Before anyone asks Nicci a damn thing, she starts going off the rails about how Angie Stone is apparently the worst person in the entire universe, and to be honest I have a hard time even clearly understanding what’s she’s saying because there are so many bleeps flying out of my TV screen. I mean, I have a hard time understanding what Nicci Gilbert is REALLY trying to say even when there’s not a tornado of curses funnelling out of her mouth. Maybe there’s some disconnect between her brain and her words. Or maybe she’s just shady. Even Monifah and Keke wish the woman would just calm down.

My favorite part of this scene, though, is Michael, who sits there silently the entire time with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape in wonderment, as if he has just been presented with a really difficult math problem.

Nicci curses. Michael’s brow turns confused and concerned, like he doesn’t know why this is happening to them.

Nicci curses. Michael starts to sweat. I am in love with Michael.

In the end, Keke and Mo agree to come to the event, but in the weakest fashion I have ever seen. Neither of them can even muster saying “Yes” out loud, just sorta meekly nodding their heads instead. In other words, they are pumped! Divas and Wildflowers, whooo!

The day of the event arrives, and things begin to fall apart immediately. First, as Nicci rushes around backstage, she warns everyone around her that she will be a screaming “ignant bitch” for the next few hours. (Her words.) I mean, she has a lot going on, so obviously she’s going to be stressed, but there are a lot of different ways to be stressed. It could be funny if she directed people around with sass and control, but instead it’s always frantic and mean and horrible. Always. Frantic. And. Horrible. Also, do people actually call THEMSELVES ignant? Is that a thing? Anyway. As she continues to yell at people, Monifah tries to go around and chat with the women who are getting makeovers for the charity, as isn’t that supposed to be the whole point of this thing? I haven’t heard Nicci talk about the ladies much. Hm.

Then Monifah does a sound check and the microphone/sound system/professionalism of the entire thing is whack. When Nicci cuts off her sound check halfway through it, Mo makes the decision to not perform, for her own integrity. Good move as always, Mo. Keke Wyatt does decide to participate “from the goodness of her heart” though, and sings with her twin brother Keever who’s one tall drink of water. No, really, there’s sexy pictures of him all over Tumblr. They sound great even through the shitty microphones because Keke’s voice just has that power.

But then. But then Brownstone comes on. And hahaha. Haha. It is bad. Ouch. That is all I can say. The looks on the faces of people in the audience are rough. Nicci implores Keke and Mo to come up on stage at one point and help save them, which they do, because they are good people.

I just really don’t know if we’ve ever seen a Nicci Gilbert event go smoothly. I’m glad the woman has so many ideas, and the motivation to try to put them together. But she either needs to have more people working for her, or better people, or maybe she has to take some business classes, or maybe just learn how to be professional? I don’t know. She’s just a hot mess. Compare her events to, say, Syleena’s events, which always feel so wonderful and positive. But hey! At least this charity shebang is over!

As the episode moves on, however, there are still hyenas out there on the prowl. In particular, a young, foolish hyena named Akemi.

Akemi is also in Atlanta, and Monifah is giddy to share her Big News with her. While she knows that Akemi won’t approve of it, she at least wants her to be happy for her happiness. Because her happiness is glowing! “I mean, look at me,” she tells Akemi, practically jumping up and down in her kitchen. But Akemi does her Akemi thing, just rocking her clearly uncomfortable laugh, her overly forced smile. Monifah explains that she’s fully aware of Akemi’s views and supportive of her as a mother, but she still wants to share her happiness. To which Akemi replies, “There are a lot of things that make us happy…but that doesn’t mean they’re good.” OH LAWD. LAWD LAWD LAWD.

Monifah, still patient and understanding, says that something so genuine and pure as her and Terez’s love can’t be against God’s will. And then Akemi says, “But homosexuality…it’s a perversion.” At this even Mo loses some of her respectful motherly cool, and throws her hands up in the air, proclaiming, “Oh God, I’ve raised a fanatic.”

She immediately apologizes for using the word fanatic, but says she looks forward to the day 20 years from now when they can have this conversation again. She tells the camera that she knows Akemi is just a 21-year-old who has a lot to learn. Which is an amazingly level-headed way to look at it. But the kicker for me is when Monifah says that, while she doesn’t expect her to come to the actual ceremony, she can at least count on her to be at the celebration with them afterwards, right? RIGHT? An exceedingly thoughtful compromise, I think, even knowing how much it must hurt to not have your only daughter at your wedding ceremony.  Akemi does more uncomfortable laughing/grinning, and says, “I’ll let you know.”

I’LL LET YOU KNOW? Oh, Akemi, girl. I have tried to be patient with you. But “I’ll let you know” to your MOM, who is A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING, who is GLOWING WITH JOY, who has just invited you to the happiest occasion in her life? Nah, child. Nah. Monifah said over and over that all she wanted was for you to be happy for her, even if you don’t understand it. But you couldn’t even give her that. Do you know how many neglected, hurt children would love to have a mother like Monifah? Someone who’s warm and genuine and patient and wise? So many kids. Akemi also did this bratty thing before the marriage conversation even started where she was like, Mom, have you been checking my online grades every second of the day? No? What’s wrong with you?

Over it.

Moving on, it is time for the finale of this symphony, where everything goes kaboom. Monifah brings all the divas together to surprise Keke for her birthday. She also wants to share her marriage news with all the divas. So happy occasion, right? Birthdays! Gay weddings! Hurrah! And it starts off decently. Keke arrives and is real happy. Yay! But then things get weird.

Keke says she needs to address something with Angie. Angie’s like, okay. Keke says, you really made me question Nicci during Leena’s thing the other day, and that’s not right. Angie’s like, okay. Nicci sits quietly on the other side of the table, all smug like. Keke says, and what you said wasn’t even true! Angie’s like, well wait a minute. Because well wait a minute, nothing Angie said was untrue. Wait, Keke, how did Nicci get you around her finger like this? You thought her event was a mess, too! You’re saying Angie talked negatively about Nicci, but weren’t you there for that shitfest at Monifah’s?

And from that point on, Keke works herself into a frenzy. Nicci yells a little and leaves the table. Keke keeps crying and hollering. Sweet LaTocha speaks up and says, well, why don’t we let Angie tell her side? Keke touches her hand and LaTocha pulls it back because she’s upset, which offends Keke and then Keke starts yelling at LaTocha. Being as everyone keeps yelling at Angie to talk and then yelling over her when she tries to talk, Angie Stone peaces out of that joint. Nicci returns and says something rude to Syleena, and then Syleena is OFF. She lets out a fierce stream of insults at Nicci, a lot of which are entertaining while below the belt but I mean whatever at this point. Nicci also at one point keeps yelling, “You work for me!” Which I guess she’s saying because she’s a producer on the show. Speaking of which, why the hell is Nicci a producer on this show?

The dinner is left in shambles, with Keke crying over the mess she started herself on her birthday. The saddest part of the whole thing is that Mo didn’t even get to share her happy news. Way to go, team.

We then cut to very dramatic clips of each diva saying individually, in one way or another, that they are done. D-O-N-E. Monifah says she doesn’t even want to be called an R&B Diva anymore. And…that’s a wrap? I guess? For the season? For the series? I don’t know.

Here’s where I stand on the whole thing: pretty angry, actually. There was so much potential in this show to just be about strong, talented women of color, supporting each other, loving each other, something so refreshing from other reality TV, and something so IMPORTANT. But something this season just went wrong. Nicci acted like such a cartoon villain towards the end that I started to wonder if the entire thing was scripted, which is something I had never, ever believed before-something about the women always rang so true.

But what was the point this season? Did they know they wanted a dramatic swan dive so as to set up R&B Divas LA to move into the spotlight? So why not create fighting about a tour that everyone knew wasn’t going to happen? Purposely make Nicci a mess to create bitterness between all the women? I don’t know, man. It could all be real, but I’m left feeling kind of cheated.

Except for the Monifah and Terez part. That part was awesome.

There will be a two-part reunion special with all the divas starting next Wednesday. The way I’m feeling right now, I’ll have to wait and see if it will be interesting enough to recap; otherwise, I’ll try to get the answers from Mo myself.

What I do know is this: Keep an eye out for Monifah, Keke, and Syleena. They’re making new music in a serious way, and doing it right.

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