This week Elaine Atwell wanted us to share our “big moves” — you know, the thing you try to do to woo someone. For example, Shane McCutcheon would show off her nipple confidence. Ellen DeGeneres would probably do a little dance. And I’m willing to bet Linda Perry mentions being friends with Pink to seal the deal.
So, we’ll start with Elaine to get the ball rolling! Warning: AfterEllen.com does not guarantee these moves wil get you laid or secure you a wifey.
Elaine Atwell: OK, well buckle up and prepare yourself for The Moves, as executed by Elaine Atwell. First of all I find it really hard to tell when a girl thinks we are on a friend date or about to rip off each other’s clothes, so I like to be as obvious as humanly possible in conveying my attraction. I try to show what a good girlfriend I would be with a little wine and dessert (everyone likes treats!) + soulful acoustic guitar (look I can do tricks!) + massage (totally invested in your needs!). And then I blow whatever smooth points I earned by always, 100% of the time, just brimming over with feelings and being like “Hey I like you. I like like you” like it is seventh fucking grade. But I guess it works because I somehow have a girlfriend who doesn’t even roll her eyes when I play guitar.
“I wrote this one about you.”
Ali Davis: I ask questions, engage her brain, and try to spark her sense of humor. But I dress to show cleavage.
Dana Piccoli:Well, I haven’t had to employ this for a few years now (hi honey!), but it used to go something like this: 1.Take date to a karaoke bar. 2. Take request “I just don’t know what to sing!” (Meanwhile has 200 songs in karaoke repertoire at the ready). 3. Sing it. (If for some reason wooing was not accomplished, well, applause is a nice consolation prize.)
“Oh this old ditty?”
Marcie Bianco: I can’t say I’ve employed a definitive strategy, but, considering my recent relationship and time in NYC, I’m thinking about crafting one for when I’m ready to date again.
Basically, I think my strategy will be to tell lesbians that I’m straight—because straight girls, it seems, are the most successful lesbians. Fashioning myself as completely unavailable is the goal. My last girlfriend was “turned off” by my availability, and would frequently tell me to “stop wearing [my] heart on [my] sleeve.” Granted, she’s one of those lesbians who only dates/chases after straight girls, but it seems like in New York City dating is all about the mind-fuck.
“I take her to the gym and offer to spot her.”
Punky Starshine: I ramble. A lot. I mean, I ramble all the time, but especially on first dates or when meeting someone new. Silence makes me wildly uncomfortable, so if the conversation is not keeping a steady rhythm, I will talk about anything and everything from the weather to this funny thing that happened to me one time to my most recent celebrity sighting to why Emily Fields is going to change the world. And I will say it all at a hundred miles per hour. (My friends blame the caffeine, but I’ve been speed-talking since I said my first sentence.)
Wait, is this supposed to be how we GET girls? Did I mention I’m single?
Erika Star: I like to ignore them, you know? Just look anywhere but their direction and completely pretend that I don’t even see them. It works like a charm. In related news, I’ve recently come to terms with my forever alone status and my dog thinks I’m cool.
Heather Hogan: I was having dinner with an ex when this email came through. I asked her what my big move is and she laughed and flicked her eyes up at me all coy-like — which is totally her move — and said, “Your big move, Heather Anne, is that you really don’t have any idea what your big move is.” Whatever that means.
Sarah Terez Rosenblum: My girlfriend says I bat my eyelashes and trip. Which makes me sound like Bambi.
“I invite her over to use my hookah.”
Grace Chu: Laughter, smiles, winky eyes. But, while doing this, introducing her to various types of mixed drinks such as tamarind margaritas, jalapeno-infused vodka with mango, and other cocktails based on the favorite flavors picked up from her OkCupid profile or from our conversation. And I tell them point blank that I can cook. And I can. And I introduce them to eclectic food at restaurants off the beaten path. Unfortunately, I am a lightweight, so more often than not, after two drinks, I just yawn and go home, although one time the girl was nice enough to drive me home. Then next time we went out she ended up spending the night, and I cooked breakfast for her. We were together for four years. It didn’t work out, but here is the lesson learned: If the path to your heart starts with your stomach, I’m dangerous.
“I like putting things in her mouth.”
Dara Nai: My default go-to is being funny. If you can make a woman laugh, she will follow you anywhere. I mean, I’m not “on” all night. If she wanted a comedy show, she would’ve gone to the Improv. But I try to find the funny in whatever we’re talking about, and 99% of the time, it works like a charm. And then, I don’t ask her out on a second date. Pretty girls are used to getting their way. They’re used to being chased. Screw that. When the date is coming to a close, and I don’t say I want to see them again, it drives them crazy. They can’t get their minds around it. They start to wonder what they did wrong. They’re intrigued and suddenly need to win. And then, they ask me for a second date. One girl called my cell to ask me out for a drink 10 minutes after I left the dinner we just had. So I turned the car around and we had a “second date.” It ended really well. Really well.
One last thing: Wash your car. A shiny ride is sexy.
“On our second date, she brought her stuff over in boxes.”
Bridget McManus: I have absolutely no game. A negative amount of game. Good thing I’m married.
Lucy Hallowell: Everything about this huddle confirms that I have zero game. The closest I’ve got is that after an entire lifetime of saying the wrong thing, I have developed a “get out of trouble” look involving a crooked smile and shameless use of my blue eyes. I was shocked to discover also works to charm the ladies. By “ladies” I, of course, mean my wife and by “works” I mean she hasn’t left me yet.
Trish Bendix: I’m stuck in the first grade so I will tease and make fun of you if I like you. Got a terrible tattoo? I’ll never let you forget it. Hate a song on the radio? Let me sing it to you frequently. If someone cannot handle me being totally annoying, then they don’t get me and my sense of humor and it’ll never work out between us. If they find it charming or the least bit comical, we might be a match.
Karman Kregloe: My philosopy is: Take what you want. In other words, just make a move. Any move! It’s shocking how hesitant some women can be to put themselves out there. So I say go for it. If you are rejected, then you save yourself a lot of time and energy wondering and worrying. And if she’s into it, you’ll get the girl AND have an excuse to feel proud of yourself for being bold.
What’s your big move, reader? We might want to steal it.