Five Reasons To Start Hyperventilating About “True Blood”

This Sunday, HBO’s True Blood returns for its sixth season. For the uninitiated, True Blood is the story of telepathic (fairy) waitress Sookie Stackhouse, and the multitude of magical creatures she attracts to her magnetic vagina. It’s a supernatural soap opera with a sensibility that is unabashedly trashy, gory, and sweaty. It is also one of the smartest allegories on television about gay rights, race relations, and the South. In other words: the perfect summer show. So whether this is your first visit to Bon Temps or you’re a full-time resident, here’s what we have to look forward to.

Warning: Some NSFW images below

Pam and Tara Are Happening

Pam (Kristen Bauer) and Tara (Rutina Wesley) have always been the most pragmatic, tough, take-neither-shit-nor-prisoners characters on the show. The only thing keeping them apart was the fact that Tara hated vampires and Pam was one. Last season that hurdle was removed when Tara was killed by a stray bullet (as happened to her beloved predecessor, Tara McClay), and Pam brought her back to life as her undead progeny. Over the course of the season, their chemistry and respect grew, and culminated in one of the greatest first kisses of ALL TIME.

 

I mean, just look at that kiss! It has so much tenderness and ardor and god I really hope neither of them dies this season.

Jessica Clark and Janina Gavankar’s Clothes Allergies

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I mean, goddamn.

Also you can play a drinking game where you have to drink every time you refer to Gavankar’s character as “Papi.”

Plus Anna Paquin wasn’t pregnant anymore when she shot this season so she may have developed a clothes allergy of her own.

WTF Is Up With Jason?

You have no idea how hard it was to find a picture of him with a shirt on.

Jason Stackhouse (Sookie’s brother) has gone from a lovable fuckup party boy to a lovable fuckup sheriff with Feelings. At the end of last season, though, he started hallucinating his dead parents, who encouraged him to murder all the vampires. So that is concerning, but he could make even a psychotic slide into evil seem adorable.

We Can All Hate Bill Together Now

For years, the True Blood fandom has been divided over whether Bill is a condescending, manipulative creep or a condescending, manipulative creep with a heart of gold. As it turns out, he is the former. When he guzzled the blood of vampire goddess Lilith, he finally settled the question, and now we can all root against him (especially those of us who stood up for him FOR YEARS and are now feeling a bit betrayed).

Live Tweeting With Me!

I go to the same New Orleans bar every week to watch this show, and I can’t wait to joke about it with y’all (at least until my girlfriend pries my iPad out of my hands). Let me know in the comments your ideas for an AfterEllen hashtag, so we can all freak out together.

See you on Sunday!

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