“Chicago Fire ” recap (1.24): “It didn’t take.”

Previously on Chicago Fire, the writers reached into the depths of Hermione Granger’s magically extended bag of tricks and pulled out everything. Andy Darden got himself blown up and Matthew Casey and Kelly Severide blamed each other for it. Severide had a busted shoulder which led to a drug addiction which led to a fight with his lesbian roommate who had been feeding his painkiller problem but then threatened to move out because, dude, you need help. Before she could take her flawless lady-loving self to the home of one exquisite Gabriela Dawson she got hit by an actual truck. But since she’s a unicorn or something she heals really fast and so does Severide because he decided to get help for the shoulder and for the drugs because Shay almost died and because a hot girl who looks a bit like Carmen told him that he could pop on down to St. Mungo’s and they could fix him up in a jiffy.

Meanwhile Casey and Hallie (the doctor who never doctored) were engaged and then broke up and he thought about dating Dawson for a hot second, well more like lukewarm because the dude can’t close. He zigged, she zagged right into the pants of one wee lad named Peter Mills. Mills has some daddy issues so the team let him get a puppy. Aww. Then Dawson found out about the daddy issues but kept them to herself until she couldn’t anymore and then Mills broke up with her. Buddy, you work on commission, right? Big mistake. Big. Huge.

Shay played house with her crazy ex (hands up all you lesbians who have a crazy ex, yep that’s everyone) until McCrazy took her McBaby to New York. No worries, Shay is a woman with a plan and a can-do attitude so she decided to get pregnant. For reasons no one understands, she didn’t ask Christopher “the re-populator” Herrmann for his sperm that swim like freaking Michael Phelps. Instead she asked the former drug addict, who wears skinny jeans, and bangs her ex-flames. Not your smartest day, Shay.

But Severide got caught up in a fake sexual assault (bitches, man!), Mouch got some man panties from Japan, Herrmann, Otis, and Dawson opened a bar, and what else. Oh yeah there was a dirty cop who due to circumstances outside our control (spinoff!) might not be so dirty after all. What was that last thing — oh right, Hallie got burned to a crisp. So that’s about half of what you missed this season.

Herrmann and Otis are hanging a banner outside of Molly’s offering ladies night specials every night of the week. Herrmann asks Otis if he can borrow a video camera to make a video for the impending Herrmann baby and Otis, speaking for every teenager in America, says “dude you have a phone with a camera, it actually doesn’t get any easier than that.” Dawson walks up in a leather jacket she borrowed from Katniss after the Hunger Games and berates the guys for offering the special. She’s feeling a little sensitive about the fact that her mere presence does not seem to be bringing all the ladies (or gents) to the yard. Construction workers roll by and Dawson laments the fact that the bar will suffer further if there’s construction but Herrmann, ever the optimist, thinks it will bring in good business. Up and coming neighborhood, right?


“Prof. Shay, please tell the class everything you know. The use of visual aids is encouraged.”

At the firehouse, Shay and Cruz are walking into the locker room having a very important conversation. Guys, take note. Do not hit on the lesbians. We are an underutilized resource. We can help you, but you have to stop drooling and asking if you can watch.

Cruz: Are you messing with me?
Shay: No, women love it. You will not believe how many nerve endings are —

She stops because she sees Casey whose mere presence kills the mood. He tells them not to stop with the sex advice just because the last lady he did it with is dead. Shay and Cruz shuffle around and pat Casey awkwardly.

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