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“Defiance” Recap 1.06: Six-Legged Monkey Crawl

Previously on Defiance, Kenya and Nolan decided they liked each other enough to take the business out of their sexual transactions. The Earth Republic proved it will go to pretty much any lengths to get Defiance under its thumb, including arranging a post-apocalyptic stagecoach robbery in which a preacher blew up the coach and an E-Rep sacrificed a couple of her husbands. Their end goal was to steal Amanda Rosewater’s hard-won Maglev Train money, but she got the last laugh when she shot the preacher man in the face. Stahma presumably took some baths, though they very sadly happened off-screen. And Irisa was the best, man.

An old Pale War war criminal named Pol Madis is pursing the bargains at Defiance’s Scarf and Fedora Market when silver fox accosts him. Pol drops a tiny blue bomb that blows off the leg of one of the traders. which causes Nolan to come flying into the frame. He tackles Pol and Silver Fox tackles Nolan and they scuffle around in a homoerotic dust cloud until Silver Fox reveals that he is Nolan’s old war buddy, Eddie. He’s a bounty hunter now.

Eddie wants to turn Pol over to the Earth Republic for one zillion dollars, but Nolan wants to try him in Defiance because his loyalty is to the citizens of his girlfriends’ town. They decide to argue it out over drinks at the Need/Want, so they leave Irisa and Deputy Tommy in charge of their prisoner. Irisa mostly wants to sharpen her knives while glaring at Pol, but Tommy wants to talk about their personal deal; specifically, he wants to revisit the way their personal deal manifested itself in some super hot sex on the jailhouse floor last week. He says, “Want to come over to my place?” And Irisa, awesomely, goes, “Why? What’s at your place?”

Love that girl.

While Doc Yewll is patching up Pol, he mentions to her that he’s a great admirer of her scientific experiments/procedures. The ones she perfected during the Pale Wars. This is a sociopath saying that to her, so apparently the Doc got up to some real shady shit when the world was crashing down around her sharp tongue. Pol would be happy to keep quiet about her seemingly butcher-y past, in exchange for her freeing him from prison. She says he has mistaken her for someone else. I guess we could do some snake venom injections to find out for sure?

Over at the Need/Want, Silver Fox Eddie says some vaguely racist stuff about Irathiants, which Irisa overhears, of course. She retires to the other side of the saloon and orders and drink and when it comes with a fruity garnish, she hurls it across the bar. She glares some more, this time at “Uncle Eddie.” Nolan and Eddie talk about their penises or whatever dude thing until Kenya wanders over and Nolan solicits her services on behalf of his buddy. It breaks her heart, it really does. She gives Eddie a couple of ladies on the house.

Kenya and Amanda have a long chat about how much they adore each other and how they’re both too good for Nolan, but that love triangle is looming and it bums me out so hard. (It’ll bum me out less hard if Kenya and Stahma do the six-legged monkey crawl together next time.) (Also, Amanda’s last boyfriend was “a vibro.”) While Amanda is giving out advice, she also tells Nolan not to hand over Pol to his bounty hunter friend because she’s got grand plans to trade him to the Earth Republic for a high-speed train.

Turns out nobody gets to put Pol on trial, though, because someone – Doc Yewell? – slips him some powder through an air duct, which he mixes with water and salt to make a bomb. Back out on the street, he retrieves his briefcase of explosives and stuff and shimmies on over to Tarrs’ house to make a delicious Casthian meatloaf. Datak Tarr wants to know what the actual fuck he is doing there, and what the actual fuck he is doing there is poisoning Datak so he’ll help him escape to Brazil.

On their way out of town, Nolan and Eddie catch up to Datak and Pol and ram them into an embankment. They have a pissing contest about who’s the cleverest and who’s the bravest. Datak immediately gets shuttled away by Irisa and Tomy, while Eddie and Nolan fight over Pol’s fate. Eddie, it turns out, wants to turn him over to the Earth Republic so he can help them build bombs for the coming war against the Votan Collective. This bums out Nolan pretty good because he thought for sure Eddie wanted to bring Pol to justice. Nolan decides he doesn’t want either side to have Pol’s maniacal WMDs so he goes ahead and shoots out his brains.

When the Earth Republic reps arrive, Eddie takes the fall for killing Pol so Nolan can keep raising Irisa – but don’t worry; ol’ Silver Fox blows up the roller and escapes while it’s en route to Vegas. Inside the roller, by the way, was Amanda’s ex-boyfriend. He is (was?) an Earth Republic ambassador and while he still wants to get with Amanda, he definitely does not want to get with Defiance’s stubborn sovereignty.

In the B-story, Luke McCawley’s ghost visits Quentin McCawley and keeps him from throwing away the alien “artifact” that got him killed. Also, he convinces Quentin to murder Nicky Riordan’s steampunk assistant and dump his body in the mines.

Also dumped: Nolan. Kenya tells him he’s not her type. Which is a real loss for Nolan because he was spending all the nights with her and I don’t think he owns a bed.

In two weeks: H.G. Wells returns to Warehouse 13, and on Defiance, Kenya and Stahma get real, real close. It’s a Jaime Murray double-header!

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