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The 5 Most WTF Moments of Fictional Lesbian Adultery

My favorite writing teacher once told me that if writers fail to listen to the desperate whispered desires of their characters, the fictional worlds they inhabit will collapse around their ears. It’s a really pretty way to say characters have to be allowed to act out if their stories are going to be believable. Sometimes acting out just means mouthing off. Sometimes it means shouting and stomping around. And sometimes it means scissoring with a lady who is not the lady you promised to scissor with exclusively.

Straight characters who are in committed relationships cheat all the time across all forms of media and it’s usually nothing by a cliched snoozefest, but committed lesbian couples are so sparse that when one of our beloved gay characters cheats and another one of our beloved gay characters, we find ourselves shouting at our TVs and movies and books. Below are five of the most WTF moments of fictional lesbian adultery.

Arizona Cheats on Callie, Grey’s Anatomy

We’ve got to hand it to Dr. Peyton Tree Hill: The lady’s swagger and game made us squirm uncomfortably as soon as she hit the screen. And by “squirm,” I mean “swoon.” She went after Arizona hard and even the piano music in the scene where Arizona and Dr. Peyton finally crash into each other seems sympathetic to their sexual chemistry. But Arizona has a wife and has spent nearly all of this season refusing to have sex with her wife just because Callie was forced to chop off half of Arizona’s leg one time. I mean, everyone relationship has its ups and downs. Shit happens. Limbs are lost. That doesn’t mean you start humping your gorgeous doppelganger the minute a superstorm knocks out the power in the on-call room!

Naomi Cheats on Emily, Skins

Naomi Campbell spent a full season trying to pluck up the courage to be brave enough to say out loud that she wanted Emily. Wanted to laugh with her and hold hands with her and watch telly with her and do loads of naked things with her. When she finally committed, we thought she was in it forever. But then one day on a train some random girl in jean shorts offered to draw her some comics, and Naomi invited the random to her pants party. She didn’t just cheat on any old homo; she cheated on Emily Fitch! They were special! Everything’s so fragile! She didn’t want anyone to care!

Francine Cheats on Katchoo, Strangers in Paradise

Katchoo spent decades waiting for Francine to stop dicking around with the dumbass men in her life and finally admit that she was fully, wholly in love with her. Fran left her boyfriend for Kat, flew all the way to Texas to move in with Kat, started seeing a therapist to work out her internal homophobia for Kat, even braved the lesbian section of the bookstore for Kat. She got herself all dolled up, cooked a special dinner – but Kat went home with Fran’s ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend instead of going home to Francine. She’d waited her whole life for Francine! She couldn’t have just waited one more night?! It took nearly 30 more issues for them to work out the repercussions of Katchoo’s impulsiveness!

Bette Cheats on Tina, The L Word

When you decide to have a baby with the woman you love, and then that woman has a miscarriage, the best way to help her (and you) heal is probably not to fuck the handywoman who has come to fix the bookshelves at your office.

Cat Cheats on Sam, Lip Service

On the one hand you’ve got DS Sam Murray, a stable, warm, compassionate, gorgeous woman who adores you and brings you breakfast in bed. But if you’re Cat MacKenzie, that’s not enough. You’re also wondering what to do with your other hand. And so you use that other hand to get your brooding, philandering ex-girlfriend off. It is the incorrect decision, as evidenced by the fact that karma flattens you with a car while you’re texting to say how fun it is to be a cheater.

What do you think is the most WTF moment of fictional lesbian adultery?

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