“The L Word” recap (3.3): “Lobster”

THIS WEEK’S L WORD VOCABULARY:

  • Labels: The thing nobody can get past.
  • Money: It makes the world go round, and it makes Tina’s eyes go round.
  • Uninspired: The nicest thing anyone can say about this episode.

THIS WEEK’S GUEST-BIANS: Alan Cumming shows his pit hair; Lauren Lee Smith gets rejected.

A bus named desire — We’re on a bus. There are nuns on the bus. Lots of them. Remember that dangling cross from last week, around the neck of the woman who said “fuck me so I forget who I am?” Yes, we’re seeing it again, because the fuck-ee (Toni) was a nun. And now she’s a peacefully dozing nun with a book on her lap. The nun in the seat next to her (Agatha, which is a very nunnish name) discovers that the book is hiding a juicier tome: Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence. (Never mind that that book was published in 1985, and this bus is holy-rolling down the highway in Sublimity, Oregon in 1984.)

Agatha decides to take advantage of her discovery; she moves the book and slips her hand along Toni’s thigh, and before you know it, there are two sighing nuns on a bus that’s suddenly (but not subtly) slipping into a tunnel. Why doesn’t anyone else hear their oohs and ahhs? Is it just an everyday occurrence on the road to salvation? Is this what Catholics really mean when they talk about the Passion?

A quick aside — I’ve been asked whether I also write recaps for other sites (like PlanetOut), under a different name. First of all, if you’ve read those other recaps, I think you already know that the answer is no. Also, I’m not superhuman: it would take some exceptional fortitude to write about this show more than once a week.

Where the cool kids hang — Shane and Carmen are strolling along, arm in arm, to see Shane’s friend Chase. He works at (owns? I don’t know) a cool place called Wax — you can tell it’s cool because of all the skateboards and perfect hair and The Dead Kennedys on the stereo. Apparently Chase wants Shane to have a chair there: “Shane for Wax.” What, Shane has to actually make a living?

Tarot for the ego — Helena’s getting another reading. This time she learns that a former lover will come back into her life and will also be useful to her in a business sense. Again I must protest: Helena’s being open and real and (shudder) likeable, and I like the way she says “fucking” (especially because she’s saying “fucking idiot”) and the upshot of all this is that I will soon be playing 52-card-pickup with the remains of my poor exploded brain.

And can I just tell you that the tarot reader bugs me? She’s so… serene. In a smug way. I’d rather get a reading from Sofie and her catatonic mother.

The house of pain — Bette answers the phone. She’s carrying Angelica and a blanket — all the better to cover the Beals belly with. The caller is Julia, the Important Art-Related Person from last week. It seems the NEA funding has been pulled from Bette’s project.

Bette: [into the phone] “You are fucking kidding me.”
Angelica: [to no one in particular] “Arr yaar yaa.”

Bette hangs up and tells Tina the bad news: the problem is that the show (“The Art of Dissent”) is critical of the Bush administration. Tina says “Hey, that’s got to be unconstitutional” in a way that makes me chortle — not just because the comment is silly, but because she says it like she’s some sort of hippie. But she’s always sorta sounded like that, hasn’t she? Trouble is, she no longer has the laid-back attitude to go with it.

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