With all of the spin-off news in the air between Ravenswood (Pretty Little Liars) and Once: Wonderland (Once Upon a Time), I started thinking about what other spin-offs I’d like to see in my dreamworld. My dreamworld, by the way, isn’t always totally current and hence not quite realistic, but who needs realistic?
The Chart with Alice Pieszecki
Back in 2009, a spin-off starring Alice called The Farm had a pilot filmed before getting the axe. The only thing we really knew of said spin-off was that it involved Alice going to jail.
Puh-lease. Alice is going to spend the rest of her life being awesome and talking shit, and that’s all this spin-off will be: Alice being awesome and talking shit. Because that’s the one thing on The L Word that I ever consistently enjoyed and that I want to see again.
The title theme will involve fun zooming camera moves around her ever growing Chart while some kickass girl group rocks out; however, Betty will never be allowed to record a song for the show ever. Sometimes members of the old crew will come into play, but mainly we’ll follow Alice as she chats with famous lesbians and celebrities and later either makes out with them or makes fun of them. Each episode will begin with an Alice monologue, a la Seinfeld, called “What was up with THAT?” wherein she discusses the ridiculousness of things that happened to her during The L Word days, such as spending a year wondering who killed Jenny Schecter and then never finding out. The last episode of the series will end with her saying, “Come on, you guys, I did it.” And then maybe she will go to jail. And/or get an award.
Crucifictorious will star Landry from Friday Night Lights and his band, Crucifictorious, touring the Texas dive bar circuit as they slowly rise in fame, occasionally returning to or meeting up with the folks of Dillon, Texas. But the most important part of this spin-off will be that Landy’s bandmate, the adorably cute lesbian Devin, will get 500% more screen time, and we’ll get to know all the ups and downs and feels of a young woman looking for love in the Lonestar State. Which I think is something we actually all need to see.
The actor who plays Landry is currently in a legit band called Cowboy and Indian based out of Austin, and it is as folky as folk gets, rather disappointingly un-Crucifictorious-y. While I’m sure he could be cajoled back into his punk rock roots for the show, this sensitive folk thing COULD come in handy when Devin’s in the mood to snatch up some new ladies. Just book a few Cowboy and Indian shows at coffee shops, throw Devin a few spotlighting lines, and girl, you’re good to go.
If there was ever a secondary character just BEGGING for a spin-off, it’s Kalinda Sharma from The Good Wife. We’re about to end the fourth season, and there are still a million and one things we don’t yet know about her, but oh, how we wish we did! She’ll now be a lone wolf, even more so than she ever was, kicking the Lockhart Gardner popsicle stand after Diane leaves for the Supreme Court, Cary branches out on his own, and Kalinda realizes she will never, ever be the center of Alicia’s heart. (Although Kalinda will never forget her and will occasionally still fight for her honor when needed — duh.) Kalinda’s Kingdom would be a never ending thrill ride full of suspense and sex, what between her kicking ass and solving mysteries as an independent investigator, punching out her own personal demons, and seductively drinking lots of whiskey in lots of dark bars.
Kickin’ it with Kenzi
I have to admit that I am so far behind in Lost Girl that I can’t come up with an adequate description for what this show would entail without possibly looking silly. And don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that Bo is our main woman on Lost Girl, but let’s be honest, I just want to watch anything Kenzi does. Who wouldn’t? Help me out and fill in your own Kickin’ it with Kenzi plotlines!
While River Song has perhaps the most real potential for a Doctor Who spin-off, with the intrigue of her secret life that exists somewhere whenever she’s not with the Doctor, and her general smoky hotness in general, but allow me to dip into fantasy a little in this last pick. If ever the world was ready for a female doctor, I want it to be Donna Noble. Her humor, her sass, her heart, and her utter and complete devotion to the TARDIS and the Next Adventure, always, are what I want in a Doctor. There’s so much potential built up as Rose Tyler tells her, “Donna Noble, you’re the most important woman in the whole of creation.” I want it to be true! In a different way than it was! Can’t there be an alternate universe to find in the timey wimey machine for her to be Doctor Donna without imploding? I want it so bad!
What spin-offs would you most like to see?