Previously this season: Bo and Lauren make love until, and a little after, severe dehydration sets in and we all watch with hearts in our eyes because, you know, girlfriends, but then they go on a break and it’s all frowny face forever. A new bitchtastic Valkyrie ice goddess named Tamsin moves into town and we’re all, why hello, I don’t believe we’ve met, please let me carry that emotional baggage for you it seems awfully heavy. Kenzi goes a little UnKenzi, but then is back to good old Kenzi, but still wishes she was other Kenzi. Dyson takes his shirt off, again and again and – you guessed it – again. Hale is the acting Ash and wears nice suits, but a less nice attitude. Trick gets a honey. The Dawning is a Yawning. The Wanderer is the world’s worst earworm. Dr. Taft is a grown man with a boy band haircut and therefore clearly despicable. And we all miss Vex. And that’s what you missed on Lost Girl.
You ever have one of those days where just nothing is going right? Your car won’t start. Your coffee spills in your lap. Your chi won’t transfer to your gravely injured frenemy. Well, Bo is having that sort of day. We pick up where we left off. Tamsin with a bullet hole in her side. Bo fighting off a security guard. But her succu-smooch isn’t working because all the chi she sucks from the guard to give to Tamsin keeps going right back to him. She’s flummoxed as to why and so are we. Seriously, does anyone know why this is happening?
Then all of a sudden they’re both back in Bo’s apartment because magic really does exist. Or maybe she had one of those Star Trek teleporters in her back pocket. Bo has called on the Kitsune sorority sisters because, wait, why? Since they’ve been in college forever, one has been to med school – or at least pre-med – so that’s totally better than calling an actual Fae doctor. Sheesh, Lauren goes away for a couple of days and Bo has no idea who to call for sound medical advice. Of course, I’m not sure why I’m complaining. They’re wearing sparkly party dresses and make out with each other. So shut up brain, enjoy the pretty pictures.
At least the Kitsune provide needed exposition, which Bo hasn’t quite figured out yet. Tamsin is near the end of her Valkyrie life cycle (hence the clumps of hair coming out – though the split ends are more about a bad conditioning regimen). But it’s probably all for the best because she’s involved with a Voldemort-level “bad guy” who is as old as time (who, let me guess, is also a bit of a Wanderer?).
The Kitsune patch up Tam-Tam, but not before giving her a Jersey Shore-worthy makeup makeover. So much glittery eyeshadow. So much. But hey, who cares, it worked. She’s back. Damn those foxy broads did it. p.s. So much slut shaming, Tamsin. Unnecessary. There’s plenty of other stuff we can mock them for. Like are those dress colors or sherbet flavors?