When I was a Baptist teenager still working out the finer points of my sexuality — i.e. RAGING HOMOSEXUAL — the question that always threw me the most at slumber parties was, “Why are guys so obsessed with boobs?” What I said was: “Right? So weird.” What I thought was: “Uh, because they’re perfect.” I actually spent most of those conversations wondering, “Why are guys so obsessed with penises?” Their penises. Their penises compared to other guys’ penises. Where their penises have been, where their penises are going. Hells bells, the the history of Western Civilization was basically one long comparative sausagefest.
Thankfully, lesbianism has finally given me a respite from all the breast bemusement — but I still confess to being a little confused about The Big Deal with dicks. But thanks to David Wavey, now I know I’m not alone. He recently asked a group of lesbians, including the always adorable Hannah Hart from My Drunk Kitchen, what they think about penises.
My particular favorite is the penis pantomime.
All right, back to boob talk, homos.